Here's to the Heartache (Frerard) *Discontinued*

19: In Which Mikey Is High As Fuck And Gerard Is MIA

Frank had resigned himself to spending the rest of the afternoon in the dingy bathroom he had secreted himself away in, because any other option was unthinkable right now; if he moved, he would have to face reality once more, he would have to accept that Gerard was gone, that Gerard had left him here alone, with only his stinging words that seemed to still be hanging in the muggy air as a goodbye.

And honestly, Frank didn't know if he could physically get up, much less make the walk home in his current condition. His muscles had turned to jelly as soon as he had allowed himself to collapse, his entire body seemed drained and weak, as if all of his vitality had been tied up in his relationship with Gerard, and now that he had removed himself from Frank's life, he had nothing left, not even his motor functions.

And really - Frank knew he was overreacting, and it was borderline pathetic that he was this despondent over the loss of someone he had only been dating for two weeks, and he had barely known for a month in total, but Gerard wasn't just a good fuck, or a boyfriend, at least not to Frank.

No - Gerard was so much more than that, he was special, he was important, hell - he was everything to Frank right now, he was literally a pivotal point in Frank's pathetic timeline, he embodied happiness, and hope, and all the good things that had been absent from Frank's world for far too long.

Frank hadn't even realized how miserable his existence had been until Gerard shed light onto his current situation, because Frank thought he had been fine before, he hadn't been fantastic, but he was alive, and he was coping, but now that Frank was aware of what he was missing out on, his old habits and routines seemed abhorrent to him, and without his usual coping methods for his melancholy, Frank was left with nothing to numb the agony that was slowly tearing him apart.

Frank couldn't go fuck this pain away, not this time, it would only remind him of Gerard, of his lips, his arms wrapped around him, his tender touches as his hands trailed down Frank's body, and fuck - the images filling his head had unleashed a second round of tears that Frank didn't believe his dehydrated body was capable of producing, but obviously it had found a hidden storeroom of the salty liquid somewhere, much to Frank's dismay.

Frank didn't even want to drink, not when he felt this awful, and he truly didn't think that alcohol would do him any good right now; the buzz was how he allowed himself to break down his self-imposed walls and release the emotions caged up inside of him before they burst, but the eruption had already happened, Frank was cracked wide open, spewing his sorrow out in a heavy torrent that seemed never ending, and adding liquor to his sensitive stomach could only end badly.

Frank began to wonder how Gerard was dealing with his newfound knowledge of Frank, and if he truly intended to leave Frank for good, or if he just needed some time to process the fact that Frank wasn't the age he thought he was, fuck - Frank desperately hoped that Gerard was at least considering the second option, because if he wasn't - oh god - Frank wasn't able to finish the train of thought, not even in his head.

Gerard couldn't just leave Frank like that, not without a more definite form of closure, a last farewell, something - anything. Frank knew Gerard cared about him, and yes - Frank had lied, but Gerard wouldn't be so cruel as to ignore Frank indefinitely as punishment for his actions - would he?

No - Frank didn't think that he would; Gerard had been upset earlier as well as angry, maybe even on the verge of tears, and he probably hadn't wanted Frank around while he broke down, but that thought did nothing to make Frank feel any better - in fact, his chest ached at the thought of Gerard experiencing the same pain Frank was currently suffering through.