That Broken Boy |♔| Kian Lawley

[12]

"Thank you Connor, for the healthy reminder that she's no longer a kid and could leave if she ever wanted to."

"You know we're always here for you, Troye is here for you, Tyler, Sam, Trevor, Jc, Ricky, Jenn, Mikey, Luke, Jack, Rebecca--"

"You can stop now."

He sighed, "Look, Kian everything is going to be okay. Go home, open up to Ryley about your feelings, study for finals with her, or cuddle with her, I don't care what you do in your free time. I got to go, I'm filming with my siblings. I love you, Kian. I'm always here for you when you need me, I'm never leaving."

I genuinely smiled, "Love you too, Con. I'll see you soon."

The line went dead, but I was no longer feeling stressed out with the problems on my back because Connor always knows how to calm me down and give me great advice, he will always be the one I turn to when I need to feel better.

Using the sudden boost of energy, I whipped out my Twitter app and composed a tweet to ensure that everyone knows I'm feeling okay before I go talk to someone I don't want to lose.

@kianlawley: I only show interest in the people I'm interested in . no games

For the whole walk home, I spent my time alone in the thoughts swarming around my mind like the way newspaper catches fire, thinking about how things will play out when I arrive back at the house, but I guess that is how anxiety works, no matter the situation. It mentally controls you so much, you can't even make your own life decisions without having this nagging doubt in the back of your head. Scenarios repeat themselves while ranging from losing Ryley when I jump into a flaming volcano from pure embarrassment to sacrificing my soul to the devil in order to rewind time to prevent that awkward 'she doesn't feel the same way about you' kiss from ever happening.

Nevertheless, the terrifyingly distressing walk of shame was bound to happen sooner or later, and honestly I would much rather have sooner because if I were to shut off the doubtful side in my head, the optimistic part of me pokes out, telling me everything will be okay and the night will end with Ryley and I cuddled up on the couch watching The Lion King.

"Ricky, where's Ryley?" I questioned as soon as I slammed the front door shut from an exhausting walk which wasted almost half the day seeing as it is already seven at night.

"Not sure," he replied with a casual shrug as if her whereabouts didn't seem to stress him out slightly, although she is an independent woman who can easily take care of herself, "Everything okay?" He asked, finally peeling his eyes off of the television screen in which he was watching reruns of Pretty Little Liars as he waited for the new episode to premiere at eight.

(Yeah I know PLL normally premieres at like 9-10 pm on a Tuesday depending on where you are, but it's a fanfiction so PLL officially premieres on Saturdays)

I shook my head lightly, rubbing the back of my neck awkwardly, yet I refused to admit to Ricky that I kissed Ryley, "Yeah, uh everything is ay-okay. I'll, uh, be upstairs."

He sent me this weird 'eyebrows pinched together in confusion' look, but shook off my weird mood and screamed at me for interrupting the Ezria moment, so I may have stood in front of the screen for two seconds longer just to enjoy seeing him flail his arms in an attempt to universally move me from my spot, in which I did eventually.

With the last ounce of pride I had left within me, I knocked lightly on Ryley's door--which was at the end of the hall next to Connor's and across from mine--but it wasn't latched shut, so it creaked open slightly and I debated whether I wanted to disturb her or not. I poked my head inside, seeing Ryley in her lamb onesie with the hood perched over her eyes and her oversized sleeve covering her mouth. That has always been a trait I noticed, she never liked people seeing her mouth when she slept, or when she was awake even.

I tiptoed the rest of the way in before trying my hardest to latch the door shut without waking sleeping beauty, but I had failed miserably because she is a very light sleeper. I squinted my eyes closed, ready to turn back, but knew I couldn't and it was far too late since I was already kneeled beside her bed.

"Hey lamb, can we talk?"

She rubbed her eyes sleepily after sitting up, supporting her spine on the backboard of her bed and whipping the hood off her face to reveal the messy hair caused from the static in the fur of her onesie. Reluctantly, she nodded her head and gazed up at me with those glowing green eyes of hers, always casting some spell on me that made me feel tranquilized.

"I don't know what to say, honestly," I giggled slightly, "You know me so well and I'm not good with mashing words into a well formed sentence. I knew from the start that you never ever saw me like I saw you, at first I only saw you as my best friend, too, but then I don't know what happened. Around three months ago, playlist live, I developed a teensy tiny crush on you, it's just grown from then. I've grown to love your perfect imperfections more and more each day, like how you hate having your hair up and when you're craving something so bad, but can't have it. You're gorgeous, and I want you to see that. You're funny, clumsy and adorable, also short which I love to make fun of you for, but you know I'm just joking, 'cause I love it. I want to tell you you're beautiful, in a way that you have not heard before, but I could never because I'm not good with words. I want to tell you that you're the reason why my earth spins and the stars hang in the sky, but I wouldn't be able to form a well flowing sentence to explain all that. I just don't want things to be awkward now that you know how I feel about you, because you're--"

Briefly, I'm cut off by the all too familiar vanilla bean marshmallow Chapstick taste on my lips and her soft skin caressing my cheek. The world halted to a stop once again and I clung onto Ryley's hip in fear that I would lose my balance, falling backward onto the hardwood floor while taking her with me. The kiss was sweet, passionate and took me by surprise, but it felt like I had fallen in love with her all over again. Her touch lingered on my lips and her thumb stroked my cheek carefully while I kept my eyes closed, afraid to open them in fear that this moment would end, but everything was cut short with the warmth leaving my side along with a heavy sigh escaping her lips.

"Why did you do that?" I asked, my tone of voice hushed below a whisper.

"I-I wanted to see if I felt the same way as the first time, to make sure the way I felt during and after the kiss the first time was a mistake or not."

I gulped, "And was it?"

She grinned at me, showing off her single dimple that she hates, but I love and her smile faltered a bit when she came to terms with her answer, "No, it wasn't a mistake at all."