Camp || Under Construction

Nineteen||

•Kaila's POV•

After Pastor Avery finished the sermon, on healing, we went into a time of worship and prayer. He called the youth pastors to make their way to the front of the stage for people who wanted it.

As the prayer started, people started going up there. Getting prayer, people were on their knees. I closed my eyes and just was listening to the lyrics as the band played.

After a while, Avery got on stage and grabbed the microphone. "I was praying over in the corner, and God was telling me that there's a lot of you who struggle with anxiety and depression."

I opened my eyes and looked at him. When I was eleven, I was diagnosed with severe anxiety. I didn't know what it meant until I was fourteen. I hadn't realized it completely took over a lot of areas of my life. But I always thought it was just something I could control. I thought that I could just tell myself not to be scared or worried about anything. For a while it worked, and then it didn't.

I was terrified of most things, but I trusted too many people, then anxiety started telling me things that turned into a very dark time in my life. I felt like a caged bird, abused, left alone to sing in isolation. I didn't want it, but I didn't know how to get out.

"I just want to ask everyone to just close your eyes for a moment." He paused. "Leaders keep your eyes open, and I want everyone who may deal with anxiety and depression to just lift their hands in the air. Keep your eyes closed, but leaders I want you to look for your students. Please go and pray for them and against anxiety and depression."

I kept my hand raised. I wanted to be free, but I didn't know how. You don't really want it gone; it wants to keep you alive. A voice that wasn't my own whispered. I shook my head, whispering for it to go away. I suddenly felt hands, warm hands all around my shoulders. And for once, I didn't flinch away. My mind was torturing me, playing games. I was so scared of it, and of losing it. It was something I'd known for too long.

People began praying fervently over me. The anxiety ripped at my lungs, I started panicking, I didn't know what was happening, who was going to hurt me. I opened my eyes and there were five people around me all praying for me. Their words spoke truth, as if I could see the words above my head, but the thick fear around me prevented it from leaving.

"Honey, I need you to tell that anxiety and depression to leave. You need to say it and it's gone." A woman's comforting voice whispered into my ear.

"Go away anxiety," I whispered, not wanting anyone else to hear it.

"Louder. Tell it to go. It has no place over you."

"Go AWAY anxiety," I said a little louder.

"Scream it, I know you want to. Tell it to LEAVE."

With everything that I had, I told it to go. And whatever thickness was around me faded, and all the truth they were speaking soaked into me. I started sobbing and shaking violently. My heart felt so tired, but it physically felt as if that cage around it was lifted. It had no hold on me. I didn't hear all the words the people praying around me said. I cried so loudly, I cried for God, I cried for freedom. Because I could smell what freedom felt like. I desired it, but I thought there was no way out.

"You're free now, Kaila. You're free." The voice was so familiar, but I knew it was for me.

The prayer lasted for a little while longer before each hand lifted and I was sitting alone, still crying. I hadn't felt free to cry in so long, but at that moment I did.

People started opening and closing the doors. But I didn't care, I wanted this moment of freedom to last forever, and for that cage to never return. I was free, finally free.