When Love Walked In

Chapter 31

Chapter 31

"Victoria, what am I going to do?" I asked in French through hot tears. I collapsed on the bathroom floor.

"It's okay. Take deep breaths," she said in a calm tone. But it was as if my lungs were on fire, making it hard to breathe.

"I don't know what to do anymore, Victoria," I hiccupped.

"You're okay. You're fine. Tell me what happened."

"Damien's brother, Tony, touched me before you came and I freaked out," I explained, the tears rolling down my cheeks.

"He touched you?"

"He just put his arm around me. It was a normal thing and I got scared. I thought about that time and . . ."

"Oh, sweetie, it's not your fault. They understand that, don't they?" she asked. "They know . . . right?"

"Only Damien and Taylor know but . . . Damien tried to help after and I got afraid of him too. I told myself that it was alright. I trust Damien. But I still got scared. I can't even describe to you the look on his face when I stepped away from him. Stupid brain! Why can't you be normal?" I hit the side of my head with my palm, wishing to feel some sort of pain only to be left with numbness.

"Amber, stop! You can't keep doing this to yourself! You're better now."

"That's what the doctors told me too and I believed them! But they lied to me!" I cried. "Why can't I be normal? Why did this have to happen to me?"

"Amber, you are normal!" Victoria said. "And I know it's bad but you're okay now. You're alive!"

"I wish I wasn't! I wish they'd kill me! Instead they let me live with this pain for the rest of my life! I'm living in a nightmare I can't wake up from! No matter how many times I tried to kill myself, they wouldn't let me!"

Victoria was crying and shaking her head. "Jules!" She cried for her older brother, before stumbling out of the bathroom. I dug my fingers into the bathroom rug and squeezed salt tears from my ears.

"Jules, she says she wants to kill herself, Jules," I heard Taylor say. Then Jules was there on the bathroom floor, trying to catch my eye. "Hey, why are you talking crazy for, huh? Why would you say those things? You don't joke about that kind of stuff, Amber."

"I'm not joking, Jules. I wish I was dead. I wish they had killed me," I said.

He shook his head. "No, you don't mean that Amber. How could you even say that?"

"Because it's true!" I yelled.

"So you're saying you wish you were dead despite all the people who love you!" He yelled back. "I love you, Victoria loves you, Gustavo, your parents, your friends. Your boyfriend loves you! He loves you and wants to be with you no matter what had happened. He knows about your past and he's still here with you. He hasn't left you! Doesn't that count for something?"

"How do you expect me to live a normal life when I'm like this?" I cried. "I'm not normal. Nothing about my life will ever be normal!"

"Okay. So you're just going to let them win?"

"I killed him, Jules! There's nothing left for him to win or lose. He raped me and I gave him his freedom by killing him! I have to live with his blood on my hands for the rest of my life."

Then Gustavo was there, patting my head and whispering in my ear. I cried on his shirt, letting the cotton soak up my tears. "I'll never be normal. Even my parents know it. That's why they got me engaged to Ky."

"Engaged?!" Both Victoria and Jules exclaimed.

"I don't want to be forced into a marriage with someone I don't love," I said.

I cried some more after that. I looked like hell but I didn't care. I knew I had to go out there and face everyone sooner or later but I didn't want to have to look at faces and imagine all the crazy thoughts running through their heads. Oh, why did I have to make things so complicated? Stupid, stupid, stupid brain.

"Would you stop hitting your head? You're hurting yourself!" Gustavo said, wrestling my hands to my side.

"I don't care," I cried. "How am I supposed to face everyone now?"

"Amber," Victoria said. "We're worried about you. We could care less about everyone else."

"If they can't accept you for who you are then obviously they're not worthy of your friendship," Jules said.

"But what if I'm afraid to tell them anything?" I asked.

"Well, that's understandable," Gustavo said.

"But sometimes you need to decide whether you control the fear or if the fear controls you."

There was a knock at the door. "Amber?" It was Damien. "Are you okay?"

I looked at everyone here with me. The only family I'd known outside my family for years. The only ones I had trusted since before and after the incident. "Am I okay?" I asked them. I didn't know.

Jules smiled. "You're better than that. You're Amber."

OMG what is this??? An update?! Yassss it's an update. A pretty short one at that but hey, give me some credit guys for actually being able to post this up for you all. So, I'm sure the last few chapters may seem rushed or just totally weird to you but I'm leading up to certain points that will take place in the chapters to come and let me be honest, I have been kind of having a case of writer's block lately if my long hiatus wasn't any indication but I have been playing around with a lot of ideas lately and one day on the train I was jotting in my notebook and lightbulbs went off. I was trying to find the perfect way to lead up to everything and finally got it. Hope you guys feel the same way! Let me know what you think of this chapter and what surprises I have in store for you all. Thanks so much for your never-ending support!!! <3 <3 <3