I got into my Porsche Cayenne, or as Selena called it my dad car, and drove the the house the was practically my second home. I turned up the radio louder than normal to drowned out my thoughts.
Finally, I turned the radio back down when I pulled up at the in-law's and got out of the car to go get them.
Seconds after the door flung open, arms were around my neck.
"Oh it's so good to see you,Justin," Aubrey's mom fake cried. She then took a moment to lean back taking me all in at once.
"Mom, you're going to make me cry," I spoke softly in a joking manner but at the same time meaning every word I said.
"Why, son? What's wrong?" She asked placing her hands on my cheeks.
"I'll explain in the car. We are going to be late if we keep this up. Where's Richard?"
"Right here," he spoke up coming out of the door to join up on the porch. "We ready to go?" He asked.
"Of course, dear. Let's go," Carin said taking his hands and walking over to the SUV.
I sighed as I watched them settle in, before jogging over to the drivers side and climbing in.
"So tell us Justin, what's got you so upset?" Carin asked from the back seat of the car.
"I don't know. It's just, lately, I've been thinking a lot about Aubrey. And I miss her so much. It's so hard to even explain how I feel. I literally feel like a piece of me is missing and it hurts. I mean Selena's wonderful. She's so good to the kids and to me. And she's patience and kind. She makes the hurt I feel a little more bearable, but she's not Aubrey. And I don't want Aubrey to feel like I'm replacing her. And I certainly don't want the children to feel like I'm trying to replace her. I just," I sighed, "I feel like maybe I moved on before I should have."
"There's no rule book for this Justin," Carin sighed with a small smile. "You're doing the best you can. You can't help that Selena fell into your life before you were fully ready. Sometimes those things happen. And we know you loved Aubrey. And we love you for that. But believe us, we know you aren't trying to replace her. And so do the kids. Even if they don't know it right now or they don't understand. They will in time."
By now we were already walking up to the hospital building. I had done plenty of appointments before so I knew exactly what floor to go to. I was hoping and praying that this would be my last appointment and I could finally go back to work and thinks finally go back to normal. Well, as normal as they had been.
Doctor Peter came into the room softly after we were all escorted there, which I was grateful for because I wanted to get out of her as soon as I could.
"How are you feel? Experiencing any dizziness or confusion, forgetfulness maybe?" He asked jotting a few notes down.
"Nope, I feel fine," I nodded sitting on the examination table while Carin and Robert sat on the chairs by it holding hands.
"How about your body? Tired, weak, sore, anything abnormal?"
"Everything's working like normal," I said. "So can I go back to work?"
Doctor Peter sighed and turned to face me more instead of the desk he was writing notes on. "Yes, BUT, I want you take it easy. Ease back into it. You were not only in a major trauma but a coma. That's not something to take lightly. If you experience any dizziness, confusion, anything abnormal, call me right away."
"Will do, doc. Thanks!" I smiled happily and proudly. Finally I would get to take back what was mine. The whole time I was gone they had a replacement for me so I'm was glad I was finally getting my job back.
After the appointment, we headed out to lunch. I was actually pretty excited that I was going to be able to have a real talk with Aubrey's parents. I wanted to know how they felt about some of the things I was going through. I need the opinion of Aubrey's parents.
It wasn't until after we had got drink and breadsticks that I finally decided to move the light stuff aside and talk about the real stuff.
"I need your opinion on something," I said nervously. I honestly didn't know how they would respond.
"What it is, son?" Richard asked.
"Selena wants to have a kid," I revealed.
The table was quiet for a few minutes. Eventually, Carin, who was sitting on the opposite side of the table from me, next to her husband, spoke up. "Justin, you don't look so thrilled. Talk to us. Voice your concerns."
"I don't know, I have a lot going through my mind right now. Like I said earlier, I don't want the kids thinking I'm replacing Aubs or even replacing them. I don't want Aubrey to feel replaced either. I also don't want anyone thinking I moved on too fast or that I never cared about Aubrey, because I did. I loved her so much. I still do. And I keep thinking maybe Selena and I should be married first but then I think am I ready to be married so soon after Aubrey." I shook my head a little looking down the pure white tablecloth. "I know it's been a while since Aubrey's ... Been gone but I just don't know. I feel like I don't know anything anymore."
"You don't have to look to us for validation, honey. We know what you are going through is hard. We lost our daughter. We never though that would happen. Or at least we would be gone first. We know the pain we feel from losing her but even we don't know the pain of losing a spouse. I sure that incredibly hard. I wouldn't even know what to do with myself. So it must be especially hard for you because not only did you start dating at a very young age, I feel like you've known each other forever. You have children together. That's a huge bond. I know it's hard but you are doing so well. We are very proud of you. You will always be our son, Justin. The son we never had," Carin reached her hand across the table to lightly squeeze my hand.
"Do you want to lose Selena?" Richard asked.
"No," I answered without having to think.
"Do you want kids with her one day?" He asked again.
"One day, that would be nice," I shrugged.
"Then what are you waiting for, son? Aubrey isn't coming back, as much as we all wish she would, she won't. I know hard to grasp and come to terms with but its true. She would want you to live your life."
"I saw her," I whispered.
"What?" Carin asked shocked.
"When I was in the coma. I saw her. We talk," I finally admitted to them.
"What did she say?" She asked.
"She told me that she was proud of me. And I had to go back for kids. She told me she's approved of Selena and wouldn't want anyone else for even though I would always be her's. She told me not to let her go."
"So don't Justin," Carin spoke softly. "Don't like Aubrey down."
"So you're saying should have kids with her?" I asked. She simply shook her head. "You're saying I should... I should marry her?"
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OKAY! That's definitely the longest part I've ever written. Do you guys like them longer?
It might be a little while before I post the next part cause I want to reread what I've already posted to make sure there isn't anything that's doesn't match up, so to speak. I want to make sure ages and dates are right and all that jazz. So if there's any detail you think I should remember let me know. Anyway thanks for reading. I was blown away by how many reads I got in just the 1st 24 hours after not posting for such a long time so thank you for not giving up on me and thank you for hopefully like my story that I work so hard on.
XOXO
Part 49
Comenzar desde el principio
