My Double Life

Chapter 15

                                        ^.^.^. Chapter 15 ^.^.^.

                "If you love someone you must be prepared to set them free."-Paulo Coelho

 

        I sat on the back porch where two large wicker couches lined up with a table. The breeze made the day even lovelier than it already was. No humidity, the sun not too bright, it was a natural perfect day. It would be a shame to spend the day locked up inside when it was this beautiful out. The wind chime at the end of the porch swayed in the wind creating a cheery musical sound making the mood happy. I sat on the green couch cushions, the sofa facing the small back yard where a ginormous oak tree took over in the middle giving off shade.

        Every time I had a moment -a quiet moment- to be all by myself, all I do is think. And the one same topic always came to mind first. How I was going to tell Nick the truth, the Trinity truth. The whole reason how we became together and I found him.

        Ever see those cartoon shows when they have the devil on one shoulder and the angle on the other, well I felt like I was in one of those cartoons. The little Ally devil on my shoulder kept telling me "don't tell him," the Ally angle kept say "tell the truth." And then it came to the point when both voices just kept rambling in my head, tell, tell, don't tell, tell, tell, don't tell. Teeeeellll! Dooooon't!

        "Ally?!" Someone shouted loudly clapping their hands in my face.

        My head shot up in panic looking at the victim boy in front of me. "Nick." I sighed putting a hand over my heart, "Jesus Christ you scared the hell out of me."

        "Sorry." He chuckled, ruffling my hair and kissing my cheek. "So what were you tinking about in that little head of yours, hm?" He snickered sitting beside me and resting his arm behind my back casually.

        "Nothing. Just spacing out." I chuckled nervously rubbing a hand over my face with a long deep sigh.

         "That's living a life right there." He chuckled making me laugh along. I nodded my head smiling at him as I leaned my head back, "Thought I'd pop by if that was okay with you."

         "Well you're already here." I chuckled earning a dimple smile from him, "You can pop by any time.

        "Nice to know I'm welcomed." He laughed. The pain in my heart- the guilt- ached, because to me he had no right to laugh or to be happy around me.

         I wasn't being truthful with him, I wasn't being honest. He was so happy around me, he likes me so much that he even wrote a poem about me. Then there was me, lying to his face or to his computer screen, making him believe that I was this cool friend from California. I –Ally- never once lied to Nick. I was always being honest with him but I still felt the guilt in the pit of my stomach about the Trinity thing.

        I had decided that one of the two things were going to happen. I would either tell Nick the truth straight out, deal with him not wanting to be around me and him hating me. Or two, I’d shut down my iPage account, ruin my new found love in writing stories and sharing them with people who love to read it; and forget it ever happened.

        “So it’s a nice beautiful day out. What do you want to do?” He asked smiling down at me. I grinned into his twinkling cerulean colored eyes, smiling in the outside hurting in the inside. I didn’t want to keep stringing along Nick in a web of lies; I didn’t want to go further in a relationship if I knew lies from my side of this was being told.