tidal wave

• chapter twenty nine •

"Bre can you let me in?" Belly whispered at the door. Conrad and Jere had been waiting outside while the girls got changed.

Bre opened the door to reveal her face stained with tears.

"What happened?" Belly asked engulfing Bre in a hug.

"This girl came by who had one of Conrad's hoodies, I don't know. Maybe he moved on. And I'm scared that if we get back together I won't be enough and he'll go again" Bre said shaking her head.

"You won't know unless you try, it's Conrad who worships the ground you walk on. If you don't talk to him about how you feel it will never work out" Belly sighed softly, the two girls burst out laughing at Belly now giving advice. But it was in that moment that they knew they needed each other more than ever.

"How's things with Jere?" Bre smiled, she could see the flirting and the looks they would give each other.

"Ugh, I don't know. One moment he's all over me then he's all over Finn. I don't know" Belly shook her head.

"That's Jere for you" Bre smiled. The two girls burst out laughing. They spent the next few minutes talking about random things and doing their skincare and getting into their PJs.

The moment the bathroom door clicked open it revealed the two brothers sitting on the bed in silence. Conrad's face lit up the moment he laid eyes on Bre. Nothing would ever top the way he felt about her.

"Con, did you want to talk outside?" Bre swallowed hard. She needed to let it all out.

He nodded and followed her out of the bench just outside their room.

The rain hadn't calmed down one bit.

"I love you, and I don't want to ever lose you. I haven't been honest about some things, when we broke up I thought it was because I wasn't good enough. And I guess seeing that girl reminded me of everything I've ever been insecure about" Bre sighed. She'd never been this honest with him let alone herself. Conrad stared at her not knowing what to say. She was the only girl he'd ever been interested in and the only one he'd ever truly loved. The only girl he could ever be honest with. The only girl who could make him laugh. The only one whose shoulder felt comfortable to cry on. Yet she was the easiest one to push away.

"And I keep thinking if we try this again. and it doesn't work out, what do we do? I can't do what's happened over the past few months. It would kill me. And I know it would kill you too" Bre said with tears brimming in her eyes. It was killing her to say this.

"What are you saying?" Conrad choked out. He couldn't bear living without her. He barely did the past few months. He could see the heartbreak in her eyes. The way she was breathing was heavier with every word. He saw her. He knew her.

"Maybe we should take a look at us again in the future. Because if we keep going this way we will hurt each other more than ever. And I don't want to ever lose you" Bre sighed. She was breaking her own heart by saying this. She wanted more than ever to be with him. In his arms for eternity. But neither of them was ready.

"I don't think I can lose you again" Conrad muttered. The rain was still pouring. And the sky was dark. Yet there was a light between the two of them.

"Neither, which is why until we are both ready to fully be in this we can't be" Bre shook her head. Conrad reached out to take her hand in his. And they sat there in silence. Both were coming to terms with the fact that neither of them was ready to fully commit to the other.

The rest of the evening was painful for the pair. They lay awake thinking about the decision was it the right one? Or maybe it was them both being scared. But the truth was they both needed time to grieve. Whether it was together or not.

When Bre woke up the next morning, Conrad was gone. No goodbye, no nothing. Just gone. It hurt her in a way. Maybe the past week didn't mean anything.

She went about the rest of the journey driving Belly to volleyball camp and then going home.

She was going through her emails and school things preparing to take a break when she saw one. It was buried at the bottom of her school file. An email is shed once read over and ignored. But now. She was re-reading there was a smile on her face. Maybe it was the break she needed.

It was to continue her studies at Johns Hopkins Medical School in Baltimore. She'd never even applied but one of the professors put her forward for the course and a scholarship. She'd gracefully been accepted. She'd ignored it. She needed to be here. But now. She smiled at the thought of starting over.

She responded to the email smiling. She was doing this for herself. Not for anyone.

"Hey Ana" Laurel said smiling from the doorway of her bedroom.

"Hi", Bre smiled.

"What's got you all happy?" Laurel asked confused.

"I'm transferring to Hopkins, they have a really cool program I want to do. One of my professors put me forward for the course" Bre smiled.

"Well that's exciting" Laurel said giving Bre a hug. They spent the rest of the day looking through apartments available to rent near the campus. And organising to fly to California to ship her things. It was a bittersweet feeling, saying goodbye to the memories and the life she'd made for herself. It was the worst of all to say goodbye to Hattie and Keegan. But they both understood. They were also the sort of friends who would visit every so often.

Bre didn't text Conrad, and he didn't text her. She didn't go back to Cousins for the 4th. But they both still thought of each other throughout the day. Conrad smiled looking at old photos with Jere and Belly. Who'd come back for the fourth with Taylor and Steven?

Bre didn't take long to settle into life in Baltimore. She found herself a little job at a quiet coffee shop for the remainder of the summer, and she caught up on reading.

She was as happy as she could be.