And there was you (Invisible Strings #1)

Chapter 4 - Of Regrets and Happiness

SARIEL

A home without it's walls, felt bare. It was cold, but as long as it has its lights... strong enough to withstand the storm, it won't collapse.

Iyon ang naramdaman ko nang umuwi kami pagkatapos maisabisa ang annulment ng parents ko. I grew up having them around me. We were happy then, until their fights became frequent. Hindi nila sinasabi sa'kin ang rason, pero alam ko na dahil iyon sa katrabahong babae ni Papa. Minsan na lang din siya umuwi sa bahay at madalas umiiyak na si Mama sa sama ng loob. Ayoko man silang mag hiwalay noong una dahil natatakot ako, pero kung sa ikabubuti na rin ng lahat... mas okay na nga na ganito.

Why would I forced them to stick together when they are not happy anymore with each other? When my father already chose someone else rather than stay with us?

"Sigurado ka bang sa'kin ka sasama anak? Mas mabibigyan ka nang mabuting buhay ng Papa mo kung sa kanya ka sasama..."

"Okay lang naman po ako sa kung anong meron po tayo ngayon, Ma. Isa pa... ayoko po talaga sumama kay Papa." He began to cheat even if he was still married with my mom. Bago pa makaporma si Mama, nakahanap na siya agad ng iba kaya anong aasahan ko sa kanya? He might have the resources to give me a comfortable life but he lacks decency. And a man like that won't ever strive in life no matter what.

"Will you find someone to marry again, too?" Bigla ay naitanong ko sa mga iniisip. Mukhang nagulat naman si Mama at hindi siya agad nakasagot pero maya-maya pa ay ngumiti siya. Marahan niya akong hinarap sa kanya at hinawakan ang mukha ko. I didn't realize then that I was crying.

"Pakiramdam ko ay hindi na... masyado akong naubos, anak." She softly said as she caresses my face with both of her thumb. "Dapat sa una pa lang talaga ay tinigil ko na. Kaya lang nagpadala ako sa nararamdaman ko e. Inisip rin kita. Ayokong lumaki ka na sira ang pamilya mo, na wala kang tatay. Kasi alam ko iyong pakiramdam na hindi buo iyong pamilya," Her eyes are bloodshot from holding back her tears. Lalong sumakit ang puso ko. "Inisip ko na lang, baka magagawan pa namin ng paraan iyong relasyon namin kahit para na lang sa'yo. I really loved your father dearly, Sari. He was all my firsts... he was my bestfriend too, and he knew my situation with my family back then. Kaya hindi ko rin alam kung bakit nagawa niya akong saktan ng ganito."

She smiled bitterly.

"I gave him so many chances just because I love him and that's one of my biggest mistake. Our situation became worst the moment I started to tolerate his wrong doings. The one time he promised me he won't ever do it again turn second and then third... and it slowly formed into a habit, hindi ko na dapat pinaabot sa puntong ubos na ubos na ako."

Umiling naman ako. Hindi tanggap na parang lumalabas pa na kasalanan ni Mama kung bakit nag-cheat si Papa. When in the first place, it should be him that should be responsible with his emotions! All of this won't ever happen if he only just stay true to his words and intentions. Kasal kang tao tapos maghahanap ka ng iba? Kasi ano... hindi ka na masaya? That's pure bullshit!

"Kaya ikaw kung magmamahal ka man balang araw, huwag mo ibigay ang lahat at magtira ka rin para sa sarili mo. Na kapag sa tingin mo hindi mo na kaya o kaya sumusobra na, bumitaw ka na. Because love between two people in love should always be equal, anak. Walang bigay lang ng bigay at wala ring puro tanggap lang. Believe me, your relationship would prosper more if the love will be reciprocated with the same intensity and passion, and of course with the right amount of care and respect for each other's opinions and boundaries."

"Parang ayaw ko na pong ma-inlove."

Ngumiti naman siya at niyakap ako. "You will never know that, anak. You're still young and surely you will meet a lot of people in your life as you grow older. So, don't close off yourself too much and let those people love you for who you are. Just... remember what I said to you, okay?"