Here's to the Heartache (Frerard) *Discontinued*

12: No Thanks For The Memories Pete

Frank wondered if Gerard felt the same way, and if he was using Frank in a similar fashion, because it was obvious that Gerard wasn't living the perfect life, and he had some demons that Frank could only guess at, the heavy drinking was a dead giveaway to that, not to mention the look Frank saw in his eyes at times which so closely mirrored Frank's own internal sorrow.

Frank might just be imaging it, but Gerard seemed so tortured, especially when Frank witnessed his conversations with Mikey, and Frank wanted to soothe away the stress lines that would appear over his eyes whenever some unhappy thought passed through his head, but Frank didn't know how, because he was clueless as to what was wrong, and he had no idea what plagued Gerard so deeply that even an almost stranger like Frank noticed.

It didn't help that Gerard maintained a cheerful disposition around Frank most of the time, and it was almost flawless, so much so that Frank could nearly convince himself that he had fabricated Gerard's internal turmoil, but it slipped every so often, and even though Frank pretended not to notice, he did.

It was always only for a second, but Frank was beginning to see a pattern; certain words set him off, especially any mentions of the band he and Mikey had once been in, which Frank had learned early on to avoid that particular topic, thanks to a nasty argument he had walked into between the brothers one day, but it wasn't just that.

Mikey himself was a sensitive subject for Gerard, and any allusion to his addiction had Gerard flinching slightly, but as with the band, those were all understandable, and easily explained, but there were some triggers which Frank had a harder time deciphering.

The word perfect for example, but only when directed at him; Gerard could whisper into Frank's ear how flawless, and wonderful, and yes - perfect he was for hours, but the second Frank said it back, Gerard shut down, his face immediately falling into a stony mask, and it had only taken Frank a few slips up to discover the fact that the supposed compliment only hurt Gerard, and he did his best to diversify his vocabulary for Gerard's sake.

But Frank hadn't asked why - not once, because that wouldn't have been fair at all; Gerard never pushed Frank to open up about his issues, so Frank refused to do the same, even though the curiosity was already eating him up inside, and they had only been seeing each other for a week, so Frank could only imagine how much more intense the desire to know was going to grow over time, but he was determined to continue ignoring it for as long as possible.

Frank couldn't help it though, he wanted to know every last minute detail about Gerard, from his shoe size to his darkest secret, because everything Frank did learn about the man was fascinating, even if they were only small tidbits or hinted at events, Frank drank everything in, but he was never satisfied with the knowledge he managed to glean, and he was left wanting more.

But Frank couldn't pry, because then he might be expected to reciprocate with information of his own, and then Gerard might uncover the lie Frank was so desperately trying to pass off as the truth, which was his age of course, because if Gerard discovered that fact, this could all be over before it even began, and Frank refused to take that risk.

And now that Frank really thought about it, their relationship - or whatever this was - was built on falsehoods, and evasions, and sex, and even though that fact should have bothered him, it didn't, because Frank liked Gerard, really liked Gerard, and he would do anything to keep him in his life, no matter the consequences in the end, because that was in the future, and Gerard made Frank want to live in the now.

"Frank - are you even paying attention?" Pete sighed in annoyance, causing Frank to jump slightly in a manner that clearly proved that no - he had not been, but he still decided to try and save face before Pete got even more irritated with him.