Kissing razors (Completed)

Chapter seventeen

Authors note important
Skip ahead three months so now it's april ish not sure though just an approximation :/ also a major trigger warning, cutting and suicide takes place in this chapter.

Tony's pov

(At lunch)

I was sitting at the table with the normal people I sit with, vic, Jaime, mike, Kellin, and Austin. I sat with a chewy bar in front of me, I still don't eat that much in Vic's opinion, but I'm fat, I don't need it. things haven't gotten better for me. I feel like I could break at any second. I still haven't been taking the pills. I would spit them out every morning and not even bother with them at night. I cut almost every other night, mike doesn't know that though. I think I lost a couple of pounds,which kinda makes me feel good but I still need to lose more. my arms and legs hurt more and more every night, I even started to cut on my chest. thank got for sweatshirts. why can't I learn to love myself? I felt a tear run down my face, but I quickly wiped it away. I sigh and get up, heading to the bathroom.

"I will be right back." I say softly.

Before I could get a reply, I move to the bathroom area. I never leave the house without a blade anymore, I always keep one in between my phone case and the phone itself. i sigh and walk into the bathroom. I see that nobody is in, so I go to a stall and lock the door. tears are really coming down now. I hear the door open and I freeze. please not let it be mike or vic.

"Tony?" I hear a familiar voice, "what's wrong baby?" I see mike look under the stalls for me. "Come on, what's wrong? why did you storm off like that?" I heard mike stop in front of the stall that I was in.

I sigh and wipe away the tears on my face and unlock the door. the door swings open and I see mike. he rushes to sit next to me.

"Hey, it's gonna be alright, what's wrong?" he asked as he rubbed circles on my back, kissing my cheek.

"I-I'm such an a-awful b-boyf-friend.... w-why do you s-stay w-w-with me?" I said just above a whisper.

"Oh baby, don't think that, I love you so much. don't you ever think that I don't." he kissed my cheek again.

"You deserve s-so much b-better than m-me. I will n-never be e-enough." I say just a little louder.

He doesn't say anything, he just pulls me into his lap and rocked me. He kisses the top of my head.

"I'm so S-sorry b-baby." I tell him.

As you can tell, we have gotten more comfortable with calling each other babe and baby, but that's not really the point.

"Why are you sorry, their is nothing to be sorry about." he tell me.

"B-but their is." I say softly.

I pull up my left sleeve, showing all of the fresh cuts. I pull up my right sleeve, showing the same thing. the cuts go deep and they trail all the way up past my elbow. I see mikes eyes widen at the sight. I quickly pull down my sleeves and cuddle back into mike.

"How long have u been clean for?"Ike asks just above a whisper.

"Not even a full day, I *sniffle* woke up crying at like 4 in the morning *sniffle*"i say, starting to calm down a little.

"Those pills aren't working anymore. We will have to get the doctor to prescribe you with something else."

I nod, I know I'm not gonna take those pills anyways. I get up off of mike and start to walk out of the bathroom. I hear mike follow close behind. I sigh and walk back into the lunch room. I sit down where I was before and see that mike sat next to me again. I lean my head onto his shoulder and he wraps his arm around me. I close my eyes and sigh, waiting for lunch to be over.

(In the hallways just as the last class ended.)

I walked up to my locker and put in my combination, letting me open it. I sigh and pack up everything that I needed to take home. I closed my locker and turned around, I saw mike, but I frowned, he was kissing somebody. I stood their in disbelief. I saw that the person he was kissing was Justin. (he was the one that bully's tony) I put my hand over my mouth and felt the tears run down my face. I saw mike look at me, he had a concerned look on his face. Justin pulled away.

"Tony, it's not what you think!" I heard him yell.

I shake my head and rush out the door. I heard what sounded like a punch but I didn't care.

'Your not loved'
'Your not wanted anymore'
'Nobody cares about you'
'You should just kill yourself '

The persons side my head kept yelling at me. tear where tuning down my face. I ran to the park and up to the pond. I take out my phone and take off its case. I see the shiny little piece of metal. I hold it in my hand and pull off my sweatshirt, along with my shirt. I take the blade and write words across my stomach and chest area.

'Mike'
'Alone'
'Unloved'

The three words I put across my stomach and chest area where deep, and bleeding hardly. I watched the blood drip, making the words look messy, but I could care less because I'm never gonna see them again. I take off my shoes and socks and ran at the edge of the pond. I look at it for a moment, then I jump in, taking a shallow breath of water into my lungs. I drift into nothing.

Authors note
How was this chapter? did u guys like it? I had fun making it! even though its depressing :/ what ever lol I will update tomorrow! love you turtles!