Deadpool X Boku No Hero Academia

Who or Where Am I?

-Hi! So I'm sorry it's been a loooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooong time since a new chapter came out so here you go!-

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"Wilson!" A whimsical voice echoed in my- Goddammit! I can't focus on narrating when my head feels like it's being squeezed through a meat grinder! Is it Yellow, The Writer, or White causing me this headache?! Seriously, it feels like I got sucker-punched by the Thanos copter all over again!!

"Wakey-Wakey!" The voice boomed again. "I think you'd want to be awake when the doc arrives!" he said as I slowly pried open my eyes, attempting to adjust them to the blinding brightness of the room.

"You know, it's been quite a pleasure while you were quiet..." He started, but I didn't give the slightest flying fuck.

"..." I tried to yell. "..." Nothing came out. "..." WHAT?! WHAT DID THIS DIPSHIT DO TO ME?!

"Oh! I see you're trying to talk, but, well, you see, as I said, I had sooo much fun when you were quiet, so I took the initiative to keep it that way," Ajax giggled, brandishing a silver mirror in his hand, revealing my reflection. FUCK. NO. What happened, you may ask? Well, here's a hint: Think X-Men Origins: Wolverine. Now, if you don't know what I mean, get the hell outta here.

-Or don't, you know, no one's forcing you-

"Oh, look at you, standing there all defiant. I like it. But let's get real, buttercup. This ain't a daycare for clueless kiddos. If you haven't caught up on Wolverine's adventures, you might as well be living under a rock. And trust me, I've met some rocks with better social skills. So, unless you want me to personally escort you to the exit, you might wanna zip it and catch up on your Marvel homework. Tick-tock, time's a-wasting."

-I think I touched a sensitive place-

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As I stared at my reflection in horror, seeing my mouth sewn shut, I couldn't help but think, "Well, ain't this just peachy? Last time I was at least brainwashed, so I wasn't really even trying to talk. But now? Now it's getting personal."

I attempted to reach for my mouth, only to find my arms were also conveniently MIA.

"Ah, yeah... One of my best ideas yet," Ajax said, eyeing me like I was a worm— and not the sexy kind, mind you. "Now you won't be flapping your gums. Oh, and I took the liberty of cutting off your legs." I glanced downward, not even surprised by his handiwork. So now, I looked like that old abandoned Lego figure you find years later behind the dishwasher. Splendid.

"The doctor is finally going to see my importance, as I've captured his failed experiment," Ajax muttered to himself, lost in thoughts of his impending glory. "He was all, "You dumbass! You let it happen!" But now that I've got it in my clutches, he'll finally see he was mistaken!"

Ah, the sweet delusions of grandeur. I almost felt bad for him. Keyword: almost.

"Now, it's time for a makeover!" Ajax yelled with a sadistic smile.

Shit.

Ajax strutted over to a bright red drawer adorned with a yellow sticky note that I couldn't quite read from where I was squirming. I tried to crane my neck for a better look as he flung it open, revealing my suit. Wait, why the hell does Francis have a drawer with a Deadpool suit just casually lounging around? Oh, I knew it. He has the hots for me. And it's not like I'm complaining! After all, he is a big, muscular man with flowing hair and a bright smile... If we ever role-play, he can be All Might. Thank God he cut off my lower half.

"I don't want the doc to be confused with your new suit," he said as he started unfolding the fabric.

Ohhh, so he doesn't have the hots for me... Well, that's a bummer. He's just a massive shit who killed everyone I cared about, tortured me, and destroyed my life, anyway.