What Is Love? (BWWM)

Chp 38: Mixed Emotions

Hello my loves I just recently rewrote Chp 37: Is this like?. A lots been changed if you have read be sure to reread just in case. Enjoy this chapter love ❤️❤️~~author

Logan's P.O.V

Three days

That's how long it's been since I've talked to her.

No phone calls, No texts not even a single pop up at work.

In that absence anxiety and insecurities began to cloud my mind turning my days shallow and depressing. I found myself drowning in my own thoughts thinking over my last words to her and regretting speaking those words at all.

"Im open to have sex with you why the hell would I say that?? she probably was disgusted that's why she left" I repeated the bitter words off my tongue like venom. I ridiculed my every move and action cringing at my own stupidity. It didn't stop no my mind loved punishing my actions by putting everything that truly left me feeling humiliated on repeat in my mind to hate myself all over again.

"Did I push to far with getting her to bathe with me? Maybe I over stepped my boundaries with her?" I questioned again but once I didn't get an answer in reply I dropped my head and sighed in defeat. Loki whined in reply at my defeated position and began to lick at my hands. A miniature smile began to form on my lips as I looked into the eyes of my best friend in the whole world. "Thanks for the talk buddy you really helped" I said running a hand through his fur as he licked my hand in reply.

I lied back on the grass and looked up at the big blue that covered the sky. The light breeze brushed past my nose giving the fresh smell of winter it brung. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath before exhaling. Behind my eyes I could still see her in that moment. Her warmth, her smell, her lips, and her smile. I was completely smitten by her. I could still see me waking up that morning to the sun beating down on our nude skin. The way the sun made her skin light up with life made her seem to glow in the sunlight. My body quivered at the beauty lying on my chest with heart shaped lips that formed into a pout. Her hair was ruffled up and caressed down her face hiding away one of her eyes. Her expression was relaxed and comforting even as her arms and legs fell gently by my sides and her head laid pressed on my chest. The waves of emotions I felt was pure adornment and I couldn't forget the feeling. It was strong enough to sneak its way into my dreams to remind me of these savory emotions so I wouldn't forget the high it brought me that felt just as real. that was until I woke into the cold and lifeless apartment that somehow felt colder.

I reran every detail and every touch in my mind for so long that I could perfectly see the scene play out behind my mind. I couldn't stop thinking about that night. She constantly crossed my mind, and in more ways than one. And the shirt she wore that night didn't help. Every time I looked or even smelled it sinful thoughts would cross my mind that left me ashamed at my own mind. But what was more confusing was the new found emotions that came laced in every time she was thought of.

My mind started to rush as I tried to think rationally about what I was feeling. I know for one thing it wasn't love. It wasn't a crush either.  It was more so I was mesmerized by her. I've never interacted with a woman so complex. Just when you think that you've figured out some things about her she switches up the playing field leaving you left to figure her out all over again. It left me wanting to know more, wanting to take in more of her,wanting to drink in more of her poison.

So I was definitely attracted to her or more so my body was. I wanted her in and every way possible. to listen to the orders from her lips as she stared down at me with her cold brown eyes. It made my body heat up in excitement. I longed to please her in every way to get praised from her when I did something right. I would've never thought that this was me. I always thought that I was the one interested in a woman wooing for my pleasure. But dealing with patience it unlocked a part of me that I just wasn't ready to deal with.