Jason's pov
I groggily wake up hearing singing. "W-Who's there?" I mumble, reaching for my pistol. "No! No start it again!" I hear a familiar voice say. I freeze in my tracks and take off running out the door. "Baby?!" I screech, running into the room. There she was. Alive again, long brown hair, a beautiful red velvet dress. She stood beside her director's chair, looking out at the stage. "Oh hey you're just in time. These guys know how to act but they sure can't sing like you." "B-Baby b-but how... You're...." She's still 18. I'm only dreaming. "What's wrong, Jay?" She asks, sitting down in her chair. Her oxygen tank was also gone. She looked... Healthy... Like before. My stomach was twisted in knots. "You're not real." I shakily say, fighting back crying. "What're you.... Talking about?" She asks, looking confused. I gently touched her cheek, missing her more than ever, wanting so badly for it to be real. For her to be here. Alive again. "I miss you so damned much every fucking day, Miranda. How do I live without you?" She looked so sad. "I'll never stop loving you. I'll always be here. Right by your side." She whispers, her voice sounding so faint, so far away. Then darkness and I jolt awake back in my room, soaked to the bone in sweat. I felt like I was going to throw up. Seeing her like that was a punch to the gut. My heart almost stops when I see her teddy bear lying on the floor. One of the first things I gave her. "You..." I didn't bring this with me to Nashville. "You really are here, aren't ya, baby?" The deep echoing silence makes me feel even worse. I numbly stand up and grab the bear. "How did you get here?" I whisper staring at it before putting it on the bed and jumping in the shower as dawn breaks through the darkness. But nothing can lift the darkness in my heart.
*a few days later*
I decided to head back home for a while. I need to get away. I need to go home. "Hey ma." I say, hugging my mother. Kasi struts down the stairs in a whole cowgirl get up. "Where are you off to?" I ask the teenager." "No no third degree! Daddy already read him his rights!" She gasps, putting her hands on her hips, all sassy-like. I can't help but laugh. "Wait he's met dad and isn't at the bottom of the lake with concrete shoes? Now I have to meet him!" She laughs. "Oh God no. Don't scare this one off!" She snaps, jokingly shoving me. "I missed you, big brother." "Missed ya too, Kasi." I set down my suitcase and go to dad's office. He had a whiskey bottle on his desk. "Isn't a little early to be pounding shots, dad? It ain't even noon?" "Piss off." He mutters, jokingly, pulling out a second shotglass. "Well I certainly won't pass up the opportunity." I say, sitting down. "So how's Music City treating you?" "Oh it's great. Got a band and a deal. Life.... Life's been... Looking up." I force a smile, wishing things were different. "I know this isn't an easy question, Jason but.... How are you doing emotionally?" "I'll always miss her dad. Nothing will change it. I've tried to move on. But letting go... Is just something I can't do. She'll always be with me. I know it." "I wish there was something I could do to help." I force a sad smile, my heart hurting. I down the shot and stand up. "I gotta make a run into town. I'll be back in a bit." Instead of driving, I walk through my old hometown. Memories flood through me. All the wonderful memories. The great times we had before that fateful day in the front yard. I shake away the pain and try to focus on the great memories. The gang going down to the mudhole for senior skip day. We took our four wheelers and blasted our favorite songs. We almost got arrested for public disturbance because it was so loud. It made headlines. Or the day I was thirteen and broke my leg sliding in to home base. I won the game and she didn't leave my bedside. I realized I was in love with her then. She was always there for me. I sit on a bench in front of the old hardware store. Now she's not. And it hurts every day. Sometimes I see her in people who pass by me. Or in the sea of faces at my shows. I know it isn't her but I still do a double take every time. I walk down to the cemetery, easily finding her grave and my mind flashes back to that day. The day I regret for every second I'm alive. I wasn't there for her. The one moment I left her bedside and she was gone. She was alone. She died alone. I mean I know Hadley was there with her. I know she said she didn't want me there when she died but... I wanted to be. I wanted to hold her and never let her go. I never got the chance to say goodbye. Seeing her name on that stone gets me every time. Grief is smothering. And if you aren't careful, you can drown. That's what it feels like sometimes. I walk back to town. It's getting late. I should head home before mom starts to worry. Just as I was heading toward home, a girl shouted my name. I reckon a fan. I turn around to see a girl with long black hair, tied up in a braid. She quickly jogged over here, waving. "Hey, how's it going?" I say, waving back. "Jason! It's so good to see you home again!" OK maybe not a fan? I don't know. I don't recognize her. "I uh... Do I know you?" "Lucy Plackard we went to school together. I..." She stops talking midsentence, looking a little nervous. "I... Was the lead in a lot of Miranda's plays. She helped... Helped me alot." Whoa. "I... I'm sorry I... I don't remember you." "That's alright. How are you doing, Mr. Superstar?" "I uh... Well... Living the musical dream that's for sure. Performing is unbelievable and I hope to do it for a long time." "Well our five year high school reunion is coming up. You planning on going?" Wow. It's been five years since I lost the woman I loved. It sure doesn't feel like five years. Just then my phone rings. "It's my mom." I murmur, glancing at it. "Well I hope to see you there!" She says, waving as I answer the phone. She runs off toward a group of girls in front of a cafe. I wonder if they're also from school. I've been running from my past. Ever since she died. I can't keep running. This has to stop. I have to stop. I've been tormenting myself for five years without even meaning to. I've been living in the past, dying slow in a living hell. I'm going to start living again. Starting with going to the high school reunion. "Here comes more memories." I mutter, nervous just thinking about it as I walk home.
YOU ARE READING
Her Secretive Romeo
Fanfiction15 years young and happy as can be. Until tragedy strikes. The big C. The one thing you never want your doctor to say. That's right. Cancer. She's terrified. Lost and alone. Or is she alone?
