believe

16. nightmares

"Beca? Baby, are you alright?" Chloe asks as I enter the kitchen. I stare at her and nod. "Yeah, why would I not be?"

She tilts her head slightly and frowns. "Well, screaming and crying in your sleep after begging me to stay in the room with you isn't what I'd class as alright." Chloe says.

I walk to the fridge and grab a Monster can. "Uh, I think I had a nightmare or something? They're becoming more regular. But I'm honestly fine." I reply, opening the can and taking a sip. "Seriously? I can get you some counselling~" I cut her off by laughing hysterically. "Beca?"

"Hm?" I stop laughing for a second to look at her confused expression. "Why was that funny?"

I smile as I turn back to look at her. "Darling, do you not remember the last time I had counselling? It was an awful time of my life, I don't want to relive it."

She nods slowly and sighs. "Well, what should we do?"

"Nothing. I'm sure they'll pass." I mumble, taking another sip from my can and gazing around the room. "Beca, if they're getting more regular then~"

"Chloe! I'll be fine, I swear! Jesus, since when were you this overprotective?" I snap at her, causing her to jump slightly. "I-I'm sorry!" Chloe says, her eyes becoming watery.

"Oh, baby! Don't cry, I didn't mean to snap, I promise you." I whisper, walking over to her and putting my arms around her.

She leans forward into the hug and sobs into my shoulder, her body shaking slightly.

I slowly run one hand through her hair to calm her down, the other on her waist. "I'm sorry baby. I'm really, really sorry. I'm just tired. And I'm worried about you, too. I saw those cuts on your leg last night and..I just want to help you."

Chloe lifts her head up and looks straight into my eyes. "I-It's okay. I should have told you about them, you deserve to know..I....fuck, I'm an awful fiancée."

I shake my head and smile. "No, no, babe, you're awesome. Don't worry about it. If you don't want to tell me when you hurt yourself, that's fine. Whatever makes you comfortable."

"No, Bec, I should be able to tell you if I hurt myself, you shouldn't have to accidentally find out."

"Chloe, I promise you that it's fine."

"Beca, please. I~"

"Sweetie, do whatever you need to do. Just please, try and cope in different ways. Or think about what's making you want to hurt yourself and try to think about or do something else."

"Beca, I-I wish I could."

"And you can, you just need a bit of help to start thinking of different ways to cope."

Chloe nods slowly and turns away from me. "But..I don't want to stop doing it until you get the help that you need too."

I shake my head and laugh softly. "Chloe. I don't need help, nightmares are just a side effect of the accident and it's something I have to live with now, forever. You can stop this with whatever help you need."

"Baby, I'm fine."

"Chloe, clearly you're not."

"I don't need help!"

"Yes you do!"

"Oh my God, stop it Beca!" Chloe snaps, glaring at me. "Sorry." I mumble before leaving the room.

————

Two hours later, while I'm sat underneath a tree with Jessica and Ashley next to me, listening to me cry about how I wish Chloe would just admit that she's not okay, I feel my phone vibrate in my pocket.