believe

9. go away

Today is just one of those days. One of the days when you feel so shit, you feel like everyone hates you and like the world is against you.

So, of course when nurses and doctors and counsellors and the rest of the staff at the hospital try to talk to me and make me happier, I tell them to fuck off.

And, usually, they do.

"Grant, I'm not in the fucking mood for a session today. I wanna die right now, and asking me to do physio isn't helping the cause." I snap at Grant, my physiotherapist. He's a nice dude, I'll admit.

"Bec, I know today isn't your day but do you wanna get better and go back to Uni?" He offers, smiling and picking up the stretchy thing I use to strengthen my muscles.

"Fuck off!" I tell him, raising my voice. "Jesus, Beca! I'm trying to take your mind off things." He replies, holding his hands up in innocence.

I flip him off and lay back down in my bed, a pretty obvious sign that he should go. "Rebeca, I'm not leaving until you co-operate with me." Grant says softly.

"Grant, yes you are. Fuck off, go help some other patient." I say quietly. He nods and eventually leaves.

I sit up again and stare at the wall next to me. I'm so pissed off. I punch it really hard, hurting my hand quite a bit. Another nurse sticks her head around the door, but I pick up the book on my bedside table and launch it at her head. At least she knows she isn't welcome and doesn't pester me like Grant.

"Oh my god, why can't everyone just go away?!" I scream, hitting the back of my head on the wall continuously and crying loudly.

Another person comes into view, but before I can throw another book I see their full face and it stops me from launching it. "Babe, the nurses all told me not to bother but nobody was stopping me from seeing you."

Chloe rushes over to my bed and kisses my cheek, taking my hands and grinning. She notices the tears on my face and instantly her expression changes.

"Darling, are you alright?" Chloe pulls me in for a hug, but the way she tenses up tells me that she noticed the blood on the back of my head from where I kept hitting it.

I nod and smile. "Well, yeah, I guess I'm alright." I mumble. "Beca, it's okay. You can tell me." She whispers, looking me in the eyes.

"Well, I suppose it's just one of those days where I shut everyone out and think about what would have happened if you weren't there when I got into the accident." I tell her. Chloe's eyes begin to glisten with her tears.

She squeezes my hand. "You...you were thinking about dying?" Chloe asks quietly. "Yeah. 'Coz I'm failing you and all the girls by being in here, I just shouldn't have left that day."

Chloe shakes her head. "You're not failing anyone, baby." She whispers. I shake my head and laugh. "That's sweet. But that's not what it feels like, Chloe. I wanna be out of here, I wanna be with you. I want to start our family." I tell her.

Chloe's face turns a bright red and she giggles. "You do?" She asks, grinning. I nod slowly, smiling at my girlfriend. "I do, I can't wait to be out of here to spend so much time with you." I say.

Chloe leans closer to me so our foreheads are touching, and we both close our eyes. I cup her face gently and she places her hands on my waist. "I love you, Chloe Beale. Will you....will you marry me?" I whisper.

I feel a tear fall onto my thumb as Chloe starts to cry softly, her body shaking slightly. "I will."