Protecting Earth and Turbulent Waters

Seed of Doubt

"Why?" Leo asked, closing the door.

"Why what?" I asked, settling into the larger bed with my book of shadows and Sooty by my feet.

"Surely, you already know how to defend yourself?"

I sighed and thought, "I know how to hide."

His eyebrow raised as he moved from the door.

"I told you what my grandma said. I can't hide anymore." I folded my arms.

"Obscuravale."

____________________

We stared at each other, neither of us starting. I couldn't stop the thoughts swirling around. I broke eye contact and continued looking through my book.

"I told you hiding isn't a bad thing." Leo sat at the bottom of the bed, facing me.

"School will start back up soon-" "Don't change the subject."

Groaning, I gave up reading.

"I can't hide anymore," I repeated slowly, trying to maintain my frustration.

"Yes, you can."

He made it sound easy.

"I can't go around concealed like a dirty little secret for the rest of my life."

"Why not?"

"That's not living."

"So, you do want to live."

"Of course, I want to fucking live," I snapped.

"Then act like it," he retorted in a louder voice.

"What the fuck are you on about?"

"Come on. Card's on the table, Lexi."

I deeply breathed, "All right, the card's on the table, Leo."

_______

I hate relying on others when all they do is let you down when you need them most.

I hate not being in control of myself and being treated like a dangerous person. Afraid to step one little toe out of line.

I hate being the problem.

I hate being hunted. By vampires, by the council, by crows.

I was done.

I don't want to hide. I don't want protection.

Fuck it. If I am going to die anyway, what's the point?

_______

"And there it is." Leo forced me out of... what I thought was an internal monologue.

"You've given up," he stated calmly.

I looked at Sooty, mulling over Leo's words. He was sleeping soundly at the bottom of the bed, yet my head could not stop.

"I need a minute," I whispered, sliding out of the bed. "Revelora."

He did not follow me as my feet paddled down the stairs. I was slightly grateful.

I teetered past the living room, hoping not to disturb Maddie on the air bed; I noticed the room was still lit by the fire but thought nothing of it.

I flick on the kettle; although caffeine is not great for sleeping, I need some comfort right now. Opening the fridge, I noticed the opened bottle of wine sitting innocently next to the milk.

My finger tapped on the door as I stared at it.

"Don't do it."

Maddie's voice made me jump, and I took a deep breath before glancing at her and picking up the milk.