Baby
Wala na yata akong luha. Iyon ang naisip ko nang minsan akong gumising na hindi ako makaiyak. Nakatulala ako, hindi alam ang tunay na nararamdaman. Hindi ko alam kung ayos na ba ako o hindi pa. Kung nasasaktan ba ako o hindi na. Kung nalulungkot pa ba ako o wala na akong nararamdaman at namanhid na sa sobrang sakit ng pinagdaraanan.
Inapak ko ang sarili sa malamig na tiles ng kwarto. Ang suot ko, maikling short at sandong hindi pa maayos ang pagkakasuot sa akin.
I walked towards the window. Umagang-umaga pero pakiramdam ko, hapon pa rin. Palaging padilim ang mundo sa aking paningin. Nagdaanan ang mga ibon, grupo silang lumilipad. Nanatili akong nakatanaw.
Kung tutuusin maganda ang kalangitan, tahimik ang paligid at ang hampas ng hangin ay malamig pero ni hindi ako noon mapanginig.
While I was preoccupied contemplating what to do today, the reality echoed the same as when I arrived here—I didn't feel inclined to do anything, and my productivity took a backseat. Wala akong gustong gawin kundi matulala na lamang at wala na.
The door creaked, but I didn't bother to turn and look.Boses na lang ng kasambahay ang narinig ko.
“Miss, are you ready for your medicine?”
I didn’t answered. Pumikit ako. Doon ko narinig ang kaniyang mga yabag.
“Miss?” she took my arm which made me flinch.
“I’ll go out in a minute,” I whispered.
Bumuntong-hininga ang kasambahay.
“Please, do what you said. If not, I'm going to call your parents.”
Sa sinabi niyang iyon mabilis niyang nakuha nang buo ang aking atensyon. My eyes flashed in fear.
“No! A-ayaw ko! No, p-please…” Begging her was surprisingly easy.
The staff smiled and nodded.
"Then, would you come with me?"
Wala akong nagawa nang hawakan ako nito at dahan-dahang iginiya palabas ng aking silid. Tahimik ang pasilyo patungo sa sala. Wala rin doong tao, walang bukas na TV o kahit na anong gamit na pwedeng magpabuhay sa bahay.
“Your sister is in the kitchen with her boyfriend,” she informed me.
“S-si Papa… hindi pupunta?” tanong ko.
Ngumiti sa akin ang kasambahay.
“Your father is sick. He called. He promised he will visit you once he’s fine.”
I continued walking with her and when we entered the kitchen, we saw Tanya, indeed with her boyfriend.
“Good morning,” anito nang matanawan ako.
Sinalubong niya kami at hinawakan din ako sa aking kamay.
“Ayos ka na?”
Her question was a routine for me. She always inquired if I was okay, every single time. When I didn't answer, she would nod, understanding my silence, much like now.
"What would you like to eat, Miss?"
Binalingan ko ito habang inokupa ang upuan na para sa akin. What’s her name again? Roan? Joan? Rome? I don’t remember.
“Just…pancake…” sagot ko.
Beside me, Tanya let out a sigh, her boyfriend simply watching us.
“Why not try rice? Why not pasta? You always eat pancake? Hindi ka ba nagsasawa?”
Ramdam ko ang disgusto sa sinabi ni Tanya.
BINABASA MO ANG
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