We're here
“This is where Papa is, Mama?” It was Asian’s question that I couldn’t really answer.
Nagpanggap akong walang narinig at abala sa pag-aasikaso sa kapatid. Thank God and he didn’t bother to ask me again after I gave him his favorite milk drink.
Nakaunan sa aking hita si Yoris at humihimig habang ako ay tahimik at tulala. How did my daughter knew about that? Yoris never initiated a conversation about her father. Si Asian lang ang ganoon. Ang mas nakakapagpagulo ng isip ko ay kung paano niya nalaman na ang ama ay nasa Pilipinas. Even Asian didn’t know that. Hindi nabanggit nila Papa ang tungkol doon kaya malakas ang loob kong pabalik-balikin si Asian sa Pilipinas kapag gusto niya.
Natapos ang flight at nasundo na kami ng sasakyan patungo sa De Grenjas pero hindi mawala sa isip ko ang sinabi ni Yoris. Parte ba iyon ng maladaptive daydreaming niya o…hula lang ba?
“Mama, are you okay?” si Asian, ibinulong pa sa aking tenga iyon.
I smiled at him and nodded, even though I am truly not. My father is dead and I’m finding out about Yoris’ hunch.
“Can you promise me something, Asian?” I asked him.
Si Papa ang ipinunta namin dito. Gusto kong manatiling si Papa ang dahilan at hindi ang tungkol kay Asael. Kung mayroong mangungulit sa akin ng sobra, siya iyon. I’m sure Yoris will stay with me and not really care of where we are.
“Ano po iyon?”
Pinasadahan ko ng dila ang aking mga labing nanunuyo.
“Papa and us are playing hide and seek, right?”
“Hmm…” he nodded like he understood it so well and that…he believes it.
“Dapat hanggang sa makauwi tayo ng Pilipinas ay hindi tayo mahahanap ni Papa, hmm?”
His eyelids flutter and his forehead crease. Iniangat niya ang kamay sa harap ko at isa-isang binilang iyon.
“Pero mag-seven years na, Mama. Hindi ba papagod si Papa na maghanap?” inosenteng tanong niya.
Nanginig ang aking mga labi, nangangatal ang buo kong katawan.
“Pero kasi… anak…” suminghap ako at hirap na hirap magsalita.
I heard his sigh. Tinignan niya si Yoris na nasa aking hita at tulog ulit.
“It’s okay, Mama. Just tell me the truth,” he whispered, just enough for me to hear.
I was shocked when I looked at him.
He smiled reassuringly.
“I have a classmate who’s guardian is his grandmother. Kasi ang Papa at Mama niya may iba nang family. And he’s happy. Mama.” Lumabi siya sa akin habang ako, hindi na makapagsalita. “It’s okay if we stop doing this hide and seek. If Papa has a family with someone, that’s okay, right, Mama?”
“Asian…” masakit na usal ko sa pangalan ng inosente kong anak.
Pain and sadness crossed his eyes for a minute.
“She doesn’t have Papa, she doesn’t have Mama. At least we have Mama, right?”
My heart is breaking for my son, Asael Ianse. He’s been smart since then but I didn;t his emotional capacity to understand our situation will be bigger than what I imagined. Alam kong nangungulila sila sa ama at nagtataka kung bakit wala siyang ganoon. Ang masakit lang, ako ang hindi handang sabihin sa kanila ang totoo.
“Mama, si Papa may happy family na?”
Those tiny girly words hung in the air. I glanced at my daughter whose eyes are still not bearing the heaviness of our situation.
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