Pretending {H.S}

Alone.

Harry

The look on Kacy's face when Anna hung up on me was sadistic, an evil grin that showed all his teeth and blew his eyes out wide.

Before I made the call he kept pestering me about why I was doing it over the phone instead of breaking her heart in person.

I knew I'd break if I had to look at her while I lied through my teeth, she would have been able to tell something was off.

A phone call was easier, it meant I didn't have to see the confusion on her face or the betrayal in her eyes.

It also meant I could immediately retreat to my bedroom without the fiery ball of guilt igniting in my stomach on the drive home, forcing me to turn around and take it all back.

We had to end so I could protect her, plain and simple.

I made Kacy delete all the pictures proving who she really was off his phone, he didn't have to worry about me going back on my end of the deal now. Anna would never talk to me again.

The thought made me go numb, devastation and hopelessness weren't strong enough words for how distraught I was over it all.

She admitted to falling in love with me, she fell in love with me and now she thought I didn't care.

In fact, she thought I cared so little about her feelings that I went out and took the first girl I saw home with me.

A pang in my heart caused me to wince as Kacy deleted the last photo, my chest aching with the weight of my loss.

"Pleasure doing business with you, Harry," he chirped, "Anna James will stay our little secret."

He waited for a response but I had nothing to give him, too addled with guilt and despair for my brain to form a coherent sentence.

Instead, I did what I'd planned and headed for my room.

I always quite liked my room in the house, it was big, it had a bathroom and it was far enough away from the social areas that I wasn't disturbed by the sound of rowdy cheering over sports games.

But it seemed empty as I stepped in and closed the door behind me, cold.

I'd barely slept in it since we got back from New Jersey and when I did Anna was normally there with me.

Cuddled up beside me or plastered to my chest as she slept, sitting between my legs while we watched telly or going through my wardrobe for a new t shirt to commandeer.

And now it was empty, the memory of her lingering and taunting me.

It would fade eventually, the left over smell of her perfume on the clothes she left behind would disappear, as soon as I washed my sheets it would be gone from there too.

Soon all she would be to me was photographs and a painful what could have been.

I needed something else, I couldn't lose her like that even though I knew she would never forgive me.

I slept on the floor that night, not bothering to change my clothes or grab a blanket. I wouldn't dare disturb the sheets that still had traces of her scent or the pillows that her half washed off mascara stained.

The sleep wasn't restful, the little shut eye I got was filled with images of Anna crying and screaming but worst of all by the end of every dream she stared at me with indifference.

An expression one would only wear for someone they didn't know. Someone they didn't care about.

Morning couldn't come soon enough and when it did I was out of there, heading towards the place where you could get memories that never faded.