Tell Me Without Telling Me || Sope

Chapter Forty-Nine

The following morning as Hoseok makes breakfast alone while the others are still sound asleep, he tries to disentangle his thoughts and feelings about the previous night.

After leaving the bathroom, they had sat on the couch, close together, and just listened to the music at first. When midnight struck the music had changed, mellowed into calming background noise. Couples had paired off to slow dance.

By the time jimin had come to sit with them again Hoseok had drunk his way through almost a whole bottle of soju and he and Yoongi were talking quietly about something he can't remember. The night had been foggy from that point onwards, clouded by alcohol. He remembers making sure Yoongi drank water. He remembers being introduced briefly to Jimin's bartender, whose voice—they had all agreed—was the sexiest voice on the planet. At some point Namjoon had come out of the crowd alone and perched on the arm of the couch closest to Yoongi. From what Hoseok can recall he'd said very little and disappeared again not long after, but Jimin had stayed, making them laugh. Hoseok can still feel the vibrations of those laughs deep in his chest, heavy emotions shaken away by such a simple action.

It had almost felt like they weren't out at all. They were just sitting in the living room at home after dinner. That feeling had put all of Hoseok's anxieties aside. He'd been far too drunk and the only reason he's even functioning right now is thanks to two strong headache pills and the greasy fried egg sandwich he's halfway through eating, praying his stomach won't work against him. He doesn't need to be put off of eggs.

It had been around two in the morning when Jimin had announced that he was going to go home with his bartender and had pulled Hoseok aside for a moment to ask if he'd had fun tonight. "You didn't dance," he'd said, looking worried.

"I had fun," Hoseok had assured him, and for the most part he'd really meant it. "This place is really nice. We should come here again sometime."

Jimin had beamed. "We should." Then he'd jerked his head, waved at the others, and said, "Okay, well, my sexy bartender awaits." And he'd disappeared into the crowd.

The walk home had been a slow one and from what little Hoseok can remember of it, it had been his fault. He half remembers Namjoon poking him with something to get him moving in the right direction. Tae had had his hands all over Namjoon at the time, giggling about something. Hoseok has the funniest feeling he'd been telling Namjoon that Hoseok could walk on his own, but he has nothing clear to back that up.

He does have a clear memory, however, of Tae kissing Namjoon too enthusiastically as he'd fumbled to open Namjoon's bedroom door. It seemed to have surprised Namjoon as much as the rest of them, and Hoseok and Yoongi had quickly gone into their own room, giggling.

After that all he remembers is sleep.

He picks at the leftover crusts of his sandwich, head throbbing dully, stomach unsettled. It had been a good night overall, but he can't get his mind off of what had happened in the bathroom. He's still thinking about Yoongi's recent touches, feeling a little betrayed for the first time since he's met Yoongi. Part of him knows he shouldn't be. He's never set a clear boundary with any of them, but he's always thought it was clear anyway, so shouldn't Yoongi respect that? Should he even bother wondering about this when he knows he doesn't really want anyone to respect his touch issues half the time? But he doesn't want Yoongi to end up just another person he feels uncomfortable around—he needs there to be just one person who doesn't... he needs Yoongi to be that person.

He thinks of Yoongi's tear streaked face and feels a pang of remorse. Last night, at least, he's not sure he can blame Yoongi for the touches. He wasn't sober. And he'd probably needed Hoseok to hold him, to make him feel like everything was okay instead of just saying so.