Tell Me Without Telling Me || Sope

Chapter forty-six

 "H-he's just b-being dumb," he stammers to Yoongi once Deokjin has hung up. "H-he's r-rude a lot of the time without r-realising it. He didn't mean anything with the questions. I'm sorry."

"'Seok, it's fine," Yoongi murmurs, holding out his half smoked joint with a soft smile. "Don't worry about it. He seems alright."

* * *

Yoongi checks in with him again the next day, sober and gentle as they make dinner together before the others get home. "You seemed upset last night," he says, in the middle of slicing spring onions. "With your friend, I mean—Seokjin-ssi. He shouldn't have asked about the contract like that."

"Y-you handled it really well," Hoseok says, because that's all he can think to say.

Yoongi smiles. "Wasn't much else I could do. I wasn't lying when I said he seems alright, though. Figured if he's worried about me it won't help to be uncooperative. He reminds me of what Jiminie was like when I first met him. It was all," here he let's out a huff and an exasperated chuckle, "overwhelming before we got comfortable with each other, but we got there."

"I-I don't think he meant to be rude by asking," Hoseok says, defensiveness rising inside him. "H-he's just..."

"I know," Yoongi says. "People have different ways of expressing how they care. It sounds like he's... like he's... maybe not got the best way, but... doesn't make him a bad person. Just means... you know, if you're upset about stuff he says... tell him. Lay down a boundary. Um..." He fumbles in his pocket, withdrawing his tin. his next words are muffled as he places the end of a joint between his lips and lights up. "I don't mean to tell you what to do, s'not my place. I just..." He blows out a cloud of smoke, hands trembling faintly. "I wanted to check in again, that's all. It's easy for loud people to squash you a bit without meaning to." He coughs harshly, mutters a swearword under his breath.

Hoseok reaches for the joint without thinking, resting it from between Yoongi's fingers and stubbing it out.

He doesn't really want to talk about Seokjin, but he agrees with everything Yoongi's said—even if he doesn't want to acknowledge it. "Y-you don't have to smoke—be anxious about saying stuff to me."

For a second, Yoongi only looks at him, eyes round and fragile, caught and called out in a moment of weakness, then he looks away, and Hoseok chokes on guilt. "I-I didn't mean—y-you c-can do what you want, I just thought... I... you do it when you get anxious, I didn't want... I want you to feel like you can... be anxious. I-I do-don't need you to cover it up. I mean—" Everything feels like it's coming out so wrong. "You can smoke. I wasn't telling you not to smoke—I don't mind you smoking. It's your body. I just meant you—"

"'Seok, it's okay, whenever I get anxious my first instinct is to start smoking," Yoongi says, a chagrined warmth in his voice that sets Hoseok's nerves at ease. He smiles at Hoseok softly, then looks away. "Thought I was being subtle about it, actually."

Hoseok swallows hard and looks at the floor. "I-I just—your hands shake sometimes. I noticed—that. I noticed that."

"Yeah," Yoongi half breathes, half laughs, splaying his hands on the counter. "Yeah. Yours do too."

Hoseok untwists his own hands from the fabric of his shirt. They're shaking ever so slightly. "Y-yeah." He actually manages to chuckle about it, nervous and a little exhilarated at Yoongi seeing and openly pointing it out.

Yhey both giggle rather suddenly, Hoseok starting it off just for Yoongi to follow, his shoulders jolting.

Yoongi leans heavily on the counter, giving hoseok a look that makes pride and confidence swell in his chest until he feels like he might burst with it. "I shouldn't rely on smoking so much," he says. "Funny 'cause it's not addictive, but I'm addicted because it's all I can do to sleep most nights. If I didn't smoke I'd save so much money. I wouldn't have to... take as much from you as I'm going to. I-I'm..." He forehead creases and he lowers his head.