enemy to doctor - the hating game

2 - gaining trust

I think I fell asleep because when I open my eyes it feels as if an eternity has passed.

And then I feel the nausea rolling over me and I barely manage to get my head off the pillow and above the bowl before I empty the remnants of my lunch into it.

I gasp for air and try to control my breathing but another wave already hits me and this time it's worse as the bitterness in my mouth takes over and I have to claw my fingers into the soft surface of the couch to stop me from sobbing out loud.
I can already feel the tears running down my cheeks as my body sends another tremble through my stomach and into the kitchen bowl.

Then I hear a door falling shut, feet thumping on the wooden floor and the next thing I know is that Josh is next to me, holding my hair clenched into his hand and then he's rubbing soothing circles over my back.
I inhale at an attempt to fill my lungs with oxygen but it sounds more like a muffled sob and then there's more tears and I am so god damn embarrassed.

He hands me a glass of water and a cloth while still rubbing my back. It feels good.
So so good.

"Oh Lucy. Can't leave you alone for more than five minutes, hm. Come here, you gotta lay back down."

He puts his hand on my shoulder and pushes me back so that all of my weight is resting upon the hand on my back. I blink, trying to clear my vision from the tears as he places me back onto the pillow and gets up to carry the bowl into the kitchen.

God, I just threw up into Joshua's kitchen bowl while he was holding my hair and now he has to clean it.

What a fucking mess. I don't think I can ever look him into the eyes again.

I only open my eyes when I feel the sofa shift under some weight next to me and catch Josh staring at me. He doesn't even care about hiding his emotions as he runs a hand threw his hair.

"I'm worried about you. There was blood inside of the bowl. Not a lot but enough to be noticeable."
He takes a cold and wet cloth from a new bowl that he puts on top of a little sidetable and runs it over my forehead. So softly and carefully so he doesn't touch the skin where my head hit the ground.

"I put a few stripes over the wound while you were out earlier but I haven't cleaned or checked it out yet. I don't know if it's deep but if yes I will have to stitch it up."
My mouth goes dry and I swallow at the sight of him as he takes a little kit from the floor and opens it on his lap while creasing his eyebrows.

"Have you ever had stitches done?"

"Only for a surgery once. Never while being awake."

He studies my face and then turns his attention back to his hands where he slides one of them into a glove. Slowly but surely I feel scared. I hate needles and hospitals and being sick always freaks me out.
He must notice the shift of my body because his eyes are back on me.

You don't need to be scared. This wouldn't be my first time doing something like this and I promise that I'll do anything not to hurt you. I honestly think that cleaning the wound and sticking it back together will be enough. You gotta trust me now Luce."

I tremble at the sound of this new nickname and nod my head. He's right. I'm not five years old anymore and not on the edge of dying so I gotta fucking pull myself together and just be thankful that he even offers me this help. Still I shake at the feeling of his finger tips against my forehead.

"Okay. So I'm going to take the stripes of now which should not be very painful. It'll be fast."

I clench my eyes shut and wait for the pain which surprisingly doesn't feel as bad as expected.

Sure, it's uncomfortable but Josh is being extremely careful and I feel my worries from the size of a watermelon sink to the size of a tennis ball.

"See? Not that bad after all. You feeling alright?"

"Yeah. I'm okay I think."

I open my eyes and meet his, staring down at me assessing the wound. I feel his fingers traveling over the wound again and hiss at a sharp pain shooting down into my eyebrow.

"Sorry. I had to pull it apart to see if there is anything that I need to clean out. You fell onto concrete but still sometimes there's little stones. I'm gonna check it out one more time with some light and then clean it up, alright?"

So different. So unbelievably different from normal. I wanna put it in words. The fact that I'm so thankful that he apparently seems to know that I'm scared and that I need to know what is happening to me. I need him to reassure me and I am just so thankful in this exact moment- still I don't manage more than a smile. But it's enough. Because he understands and for a few seconds his fingers are brushing the side of my face and calmness radiates from his fingertips through my skin.
Then his hand is in his pocket and he pulls out his phone. Turns on the flashlight and uses one hand to adjust my wound and one to hold the light into it. I immediately shut my eyes again and swallow the fear.
I try at least.

"Deep breaths, okay? Nothing you can't manage."

This time it takes longer and I clench my hand around a piece of the blanket that lays on top of my body.

"There's a little shard of a stone but not extremely deep. We'll try without stitches but if I can't stop the bleeding it'll be inevitable."

"Josh?"

"Yes, Lucy."

"Do you maybe have something to numb it? Just a little bit."
He doesn't answer. Immediately I feel embarrassed about even having asked but then he responds.

"You honestly thought I was gonna poke around inside of your flesh without numbing it at first? I'm not that kind of a monster."
He smirks. Then he takes a little tube out of the kit that is still resting upon his lap and puts a few droplets of the serum on the skin around the wound.

"3 minutes at most and you will barely feel a few pinches. Can I ask you a few questions? Just medical ones so I can figure out which meds to give you and stuff."

He grabs a little tray and starts filling it with one instrument after another.

Oh god oh god oh holy god.

————————————————————————————————————————-

Sooo what do you think of Josh?

I like to imagine him as  a charismatic, strong-minded and caring character... Just one of those perfect booktok guys, if you know what I mean ;)))

Again, feedback or suggestions are always appreciated!

We've got some drama incoming...