too close to the stars - H.J.P

100k SPECIAL

"What?" he asked, looking over at her. His mother had always been so beautiful.

"I think about how I didn't want to send you to Hogwarts. Your dad said I was being silly but I was scared to let you go."

"How come?"

"Because I would miss out on you becoming a person. A person who had their own opinions and feelings. Witnessing it isn't the same as hearing about it. For seven years I only got to see you 3 or 4 months out of the whole year."

Noel paused, "I felt lonely. You had been attached to my hip since I had you and then you went to school and I heard about you being talented and smart...I wasn't there to see it. I just missed you."

"I'm right here." Elio whispered, his chest feeling heavy. He reached over to grab her hand and Noel laced their fingers together. She placed a gentle kiss on the back of his hand.

"Mum?" he hesitates, wondering if it was an appropriate question.

"Yeah?"

"Why didn't you guys have more kids?"

Noel sighed heavily. "When I had you, I was completely enthralled. This might sound horrible but I couldn't imagine having another one, knowing I was so in love with you. But then, you got a little older, you were quiet and I remembered how lonely I was when I was a kid so your dad and I decided to have one more." Noel paused, she subconsciously placed a hand on her belly. "They never stuck." she shrugged sadly.

"I'm sorry, mum." Elio frowned. He didn't know this about her.

"It's okay, Ellie." Noel said softly. "It wasn't meant to be, you know? I have my dog and my baby. I'm satisfied." She grinned.

Elio gave her a small smile. "I'm sorry to keep asking but...what happened?"

"Well, I was told when I had you I had a low egg count but it was enough to have at least two more. When I went back to see if everything was okay, when we agreed to have another baby, they told me I couldn't have any more."

"But why?"

"Secondary infertility." Noel said simply. "They suggested other options but I didn't want to."

"Oh, mum..."

"Stop, it's okay. It was years ago." She reassured him. "I knew from the moment I had you I was meant to have only one baby and when it was confirmed I was... sad, obviously but," she sighed, "there wasn't anything I could do about it."

Elio frowned, he felt incredibly sad for her. He didn't know she had gone through all that. He had always been slightly jealous of the people around him for having a sibling, a built-in friend who was there for you through the thick and thin but now he felt guilty for holding that resentment against his parents.

"I'm sorry."

Noel looked over at him, "I didn't tell you to make you feel bad. Sometimes I think we have to be grateful for the things that we have; asking for more might be the cause of our destruction."

"Have you always been so philosophical?" Elio smirked, his mum always sounded like a riddler.

Noel laughed, "No. I think it's a Lupin thing as we get older. My grandad used to talk like that then my dad. I guess you just get wiser the older you get. You start to experience what living is like and it's hidden lessons that you can only learn as you keep going."

Elio gave a short laugh, looking over to see his dad standing there.

"Why haven't I been invited?" He frowned. His mum leaned up on her elbows.