The promised neverland oneshots + more

Scream incorrect quotes 🔪👻

*Stu is reading a Clifford The Big Red Dog book*
Billy , watching: How did he get to be so big? Do they ever explain that?
Stu: Well, Emily's love for him grew, and so did he.
Billy : Well, your dog is pretty small. Guess that says something about you, huh?
Stu, angrily shutting their book: YOU'RE SMALL! WHAT DOES THAT SAY ABOUT YOUR PARENTS?!?!

Tatum: When I get murdered, can you make sure I become an unsolved case?
Randy : wHat?
Tatum: I want to be on Buzzfeed Unsolved.
Randy : Can we go back to the part when you said "when I get murdered"?
(She deserved better)

Stu: It's not gonna work, I'm not a snitch.
Cop: Fine, let's try something else. Tag a friend you recently committed a crime with.
Stu: Lmao, @Billy .

Stu: Hey, what have you two been up to?
Randy : We were helping Stu write their vows, but they kicked us out because Tatum was making inappropriate suggestions.
Tatum: How is "Billy , I love your sweet ass" inappropriate?
(Too anyone who wants to say they weren't gay I have two things 1. Matthew Lillard, the actor for Stu shipped then. Two- f u)

Stu: You need to be more careful!
Billy , who was dragged into Stu's issue: Careful? CAREFUL?! I'LL CAREFULLY WRAP MY HANDS AROUND YOUR THROAT-

Billy : We're going to have to split up, like in Scooby Doo.
Billy , to Stu and Tatum : You guys are Scooby and Shaggy. You can search the bathrooms.
Billy , to Sidney: Velma, you get the spooky looking fridge in the basement.
Sidney: What? Why am I Velma? And why do I get the... dubious looking device?
Billy : Because only Velma would say "dubious device". Sidney gets the spooky fridge in the basement.
Tatum : And what does that make you, Fred?
Billy : Bitch, I'm Daphne.

Stu: Well, if you're not at least a little bit gay for your friends, then what kind of friend are you?

Billy , at the slightest provocation: I came into this earth screaming and covered in someone else's blood and and I'm not afraid to leave the same way.

Billy : I am the left brain, I am the left brain. "I work really hard until my inevitable death" brain. You've got a job to do, you better do it right and the right way is with the left brain's might.
Stu: I LIKE OREOS AND PUSSY-

Billy : How's practice going?
Stu: Terrible. I want to stab everybody there.
Billy : Okay, just don't get any blood on your clothes.
Stu: ...you shouldn't be condoning this.
Billy : Don't tell me how to live my life.

Stu : Surgery is basically just stabbing someone to life.
Sidney: Please never become a surgeon.

Stu: You have an impressive pain tolerance.
Billy : Thanks, it's the trauma.

*Comments under an image of a really hot knife cutting bread*
Stu: Imagine stabbing someone with this knife.
Randy : It would instantly cauterize the wound, so the person wouldn't bleed, so it's not very useful.
Billy : if you want information it is
Tatum : why would you STAB a person when you can have TOAST?

Billy : Hey guys, today Tatum pushed me, so I'm starting a kickstarter to put them down.
Billy : The benefits of killing them are that I would get pushed way less.

*Billy and Stu flirting with each other yet again*
Randy : And you two are sure you're not dating?
Billy : 100.
Stu: Of course not! Why would you think that?
Randy : I wonder why that possibility would even cross my mind, Stu. I fucking wonder.

Billy : Stu, what do you have?
Stu: A KNIFE!
Billy : Okay, have fu-
Tatum : NO!

Sidney : Would you like your pizza cut into six or eight slices, Stu?
Stu: Oh just six, I don't think I could eat eight.

Tatum: *looks at Stu*
Tatum: Baby boy. Baby.
Tatum: *looks at Billy*
Tatum: Evil.

Police Officer: You have the right to remain silent.
Stu: I choose to waive that right!
Stu: *screaming*

Stu, taping a knife onto a Roomba: Be free, my child.
Sidney , entering the room with a small cut on their ankle: Who the f-

Stu: I've connected the two dots.
Billy: You didn't connect shit.
Stu: I've connected them.

Stu, texting: Answer your phone
Billy, texting back: Wait a minute, I can't find my phone
Stu: Understood
Stu, 5 minutes later: You're a terrible person. You know you're killing me. You're killing me, Randy.

Stu: *watching their house burn down*
Stu:
Stu: *starts filming* Waddup, guys, welcome to my vlog, today's topic: how to get away with accidentally committing arson because you forgot Spaghetti O's cans are metal and thus non-microwavable! Step one: deny everything.

Sidney : Stu, what are you doing?
Stu: Making chocolate pudding.
Sidney : It's four in the morning, why are you making chocolate pudding?
Stu: Because I've lost control of my life.
Stu: Here's your pudding, Randy.
Randy: Oh that's okay, I'm not hungry anymore.

Billy: I need you to promise me that you'll be on your best behavior.
Stu: I promiseeeeed other people that I'd be on my worst behavior, and I gave 'em my word so...

Stu, peeling a banana: May I take your jacket, sir? Hahahaha.
Billy : Do you think other people can't hear you?

Stu: honk.
Billy: WHAT.
Stu: HONK.
Billy: WHAT DOES HONK MEAN THIS TIME YOU WHIMSICAL PIECE OF SHIT?????