jealousy

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"you're so pretty"

the words flowed effortlessly from her mouth, no thought behind them. the words seemed so foreign to you, words you'd gone from hearing multiple times a day to once a week. you couldn't help the jealousy you felt. your eye twitched slightly, but you fought the urge to look up at billie, at her live. you trained your eyes on your own phone. you tried to tune it out. you'd gotten used to it.

billie would go on live a couple times a week, and when she would share it with others. her fans, overjoyed that they would get the chance to speak with their idol, would blush and scream as she complimented them, flirting back and forth with some of them. but what bothered you most was that she would do it in front of you. the fans didn't know, as you were hidden off-screen.

you were over at her house multiple times a week, your hookups becoming an almost daily occasion. you would lie next to her in bed, in only one of her t-shirts, your panties and other clothes discarded on the floor somewhere, and watch her as she was on her phone. you watched as she texted other girls, liked their stories and pictures, all while your arm was pushed up against hers. you told yourself it didn't matter. she didn't owe anything to you, you weren't together, just friends with benefits. but if that was the case, why did you feel so worthless? every text she sent would punch a hole through your heart and you couldn't do anything about it, because at the end of the day, you'd rather have her for a little bit than not have her at all.

now, you laid next to her, out of the camera's view. you listened as she laughed, trying to ground yourself by taking deep breaths. you looked up at her phone, seeing a notification pop up.

i'm in la

you waited for the next one.

we can finally meet up

you read the username and recognized her as a popular instagram model.

my hotel room's soundproof 😉

your eyes began to sting as you tried to blink back tears.

i'm only here for one night

u in?

fuck.

she clicked on the notification, pausing her live, but before she could respond, you made your move. you got out of her bed and collected your clothes, swiftly putting your underwear and pants on.

"y/n, where are you going?" billie asked as you took her shirt off and tossed it at her face, making sure not to look at her.

"i have to go," you mumbled, throwing on your own shirt.

"why?" she asked.

"i have plans," you said bluntly.

"y/n" she laughed, "no, you don't. it's 4 o'clock on a tuesday. if you had something, you wouldn't be here right now."

"yeah, you're right billie," you said bitterly, turning to face her, "i don't have plans. but you'd better start getting ready for your next hookup, because one person a day just isn't enough, right?"

"y/n," she said apologetically.

"where's my phone?" you asked, searching the room.

"y/n," she said, this time more firm.

"goddamnit, where is it?" you said, the frustration causing the tears you'd been fighting off to start spilling.

"y/n," she said seriously.

"what." you said angrily, running your hands through your hair.

"i'm sorry, but-" she began.

"but we're just friends with benefits," you finished her sentence, "i know, that's why i'm leaving, so you have enough time to wash my scent off you for the next one. but i'm done. this is it. now you'll have space for as many bitches as you want."

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