tw: mild swearing, panic attack
in through your nose, out through your mouth.
that's what you told yourself in a desperate attempt to calm yourself. everything seemed to be piling up on you recently. harry was busy with his tour, so he was rarely home. although you'd grown used to the distance, it had just upset you today. one of your friends had made a comment about it when you went out to lunch in the afternoon and it had been lingering in your head all day. on top of that, you'd seen hate comments about yourself on social media in the morning. finally, when you somewhat got over it and decided not to let it ruin your day, you were bombarded with paparazzi. the incessant clicking of the shutters and the many people talking over each other set you off. you'd let out an annoyed "fuck off" and immediately regretted it. you knew it wasn't the right thing to do and the whole drive home you'd been worrying about the repercussions of your slip-up. then, to top it all off, one of harry's songs began playing on the radio, reminding you of how much you missed him.
so there you were, frantically trying to get your key into the keyhole, which proved to be difficult with your forming tears blurring your vision. your breathing was more laboured as you tried to hold everything in, but the minute the lock clicked and you were inside, the tears came flowing out. you slumped down a nearby wall and began to cry. your elbows rested on your knees as you held your hands up to your face. you sobbed right there in that spot for a couple minutes before you heard a car pull into the driveway. you tried to stop crying, but that just resulted in you breathing even harder. you could feel your heart pounding intensely in your chest. every noise seemed to tick you off even more.
harry pushed the door open and immediately called your name.
"y/n?" he said, his voice full of skepticism and worry as he wondered why the door wasn't locked.
when he closed the door, he was able to see you fully. he rushed to your side and crouched to your height.
"what's wrong? what happened?" he asked, voice full of worry.
"nothing. everything," you mumbled through breaths.
"it's okay, i'm here," he said, not pushing any further.
he sat on the floor next to you before moving you so you were between his legs. he took his shirt off, so you could feel his skin against your back that was exposed through the backless top you were wearing. you couldn't hold it in anymore and began crying again. his hands rubbed your arms up and down and he shushed you calmingly. he waited until your cries weren't so intense before asking what was wrong.
"everything, everything happened," you began, through tears, "first, i went out to lunch with my friends and then one of them said that if you really cared about me, you'd try to see me more."
"what?" he asked softly.
"and so i was worried that it was true. why me, harry? you could be with anyone, you could be with someone 10x better than me," you vented, your cries getting more intense as you relived the day. all the crying had started to give you a headache.
"you're the best, y/n. there's no one better for me than you. i love you so, so much. if i could be here with you every moment of every day, i would, i promise," he reassured you, "was that it?"
"no," you said softly, "i was on tiktok and i came across this video about us, and the girl was really nice, but i was looking through the comments and..."
"y/n..." harry said, knowing what you were going to say.
"i know, h, i'm sorry. i just got carried away. at first it was all nice, and then it took a turn and everything was mean and hurtful, insults left and right," you cried.
"none of that's true, never listen to them. they're never right. they're just upset that i got the most perfect person in the world to be mine," he complimented. even without looking at him, you could tell he was smiling slightly.
you fell into his arms a little more, your head rested on his bicep.
"and then..." you were about to continue.
"oh no, there's more?" harry said, giving you a small smile.
"yeah," you said, giggling lightly through tears.
"oh, baby," he said pitifully, placing a kiss on your temple.
"i know," you teased, "the paparazzi started following me and i was so fed up with it that i told them to fuck off. i'm sorry. and then, when i was in the car, you started playing on the radio and it just reminded me of how much i missed you."
the end of your sentence had come out as more of a whine. you reminded yourself he was right there next to you and burrowed yourself into his arms more.
"you told the paparazzi to fuck off?" he asked.
"yeah, i'm sorry. are you mad?" you asked wearily.
"no, why would i be mad?" he asked.
"i don't know, bad publicity?" you said quizically.
"they deserve it. plus, i can't blame you. you're having an awful day," he said.
"mhm," you hummed, now completely done crying.
"are you feeling any better now?" he asked.
"now that you're here, yes," you answered.
you let yourself rest for a couple more minutes until your breathing had gone back to its original pattern. your eyelids began to feel heavy, but before you could fall asleep, you heard harry grunt as he tried to get up.
"lets get you some water and an advil, yeah?" he said, offering his hand to you.
