𝐅𝐨𝐫𝐛𝐢𝐝𝐝𝐞𝐧 | 𝐉𝐚𝐧 𝐏𝐞𝐭𝐞𝐡

28.

TW: self h@rm, st@tving

Nina's POV

it's been almost two weeks ago since everything happened, and I haven't spoken to any of them since. Not even kris, I sent him a message when I got back but no response.

I hadn't been eating a single real meal since I got back and not really anything else either. I don't feel like it, I just wanna disappear. I saw how my body had started to change, and the dark circles under my eyes grew. I looked like a monster and I was so disgusted by myself.

I hadn't been leaving the apartment a single time these two weeks, and I had ended up with a bad habit of cutting myself. All I wanted was to just be able to forget. At least for a day.

I had decided I was gonna go to the liquor store and buy myself some alcohol. Maybe that would help me forget, I knew it would as long as I drink enough.

I was now outside of my apartment for the first time in ages and I started walking towards the liquor store. When I got there I went straight to the place with vodka.

- Nina is that you?

It was a way to familiar voice and I turned around and saw his tall silhouette. He looked better then ever before, and there I was looking like a walking corpse. I hadn't even tried to hide the fact that my face was starting to look like a Tim burton character since I didn't plan on meeting anyone.

- Jan? What are you doing here, and why are you talking with me? You know you're not allowed.

- what happened to you? You look, you look dead.

- thanks.

I really didn't wanna stay there and talk with him since I knew it would only hurt even more if I did. So I grabbed two bottles off vodka and started walking away. Two hands grabbed the bottles and tried to rip them out of my grip, which wasn't to hard. I was very very weak and didn't have the strength to hold onto them.

- please don't do this to yourself, you don't deserve that.

He put both the bottles on the shelf and grabbed my shoulders, his whole face turned white.

- Nina, have you been eating anything recently? I can feel every single bone through your hoodie. That's not good.

- like you care? Just give me back the bottles and let me go.

- no, not this time. I'm not gonna let you continue doing this to yourself.

- you know what will happen if you do this. You don't want that remember? I'm to far gone anyway, it will just be a waste for you part.

He wasn't having a single word of what I was saying and just picked me up and carried me out of the store and put me in a car.

- Jan let me out, right now.

- no, you will just continue to hurt yourself. Have you hurt yourself in any more ways huh?

- maybe. But that's none of your business.

- show me now.

I pulled up my sleeve and showed him all of the scares on my wrist and I saw his eyes getting glossy.

- why? Why would you do this to yourself?

- because I've lost everything Jan. I don't wanna be here anymore, I have nothing more to live for.

- you have me.

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