Bad Decisions - Noah Sebastian

This Is Me Trying

Before the show the guys locked me out of the green room for a private meeting; I ended up on the floor right outside the green room door waiting for it to open. It only took about fifteen minutes for the door to pop open and Nicholas and Jolly to emerge heading straight down the hallway. I peaked around the corner to see Nick sitting on the couch while Noah sat with his elbows resting on his knees on the low table in front of the couch. "Come here." His voice was unreadable. I stood and cautiously stepped into the room. Noah raised his head to look at me, Nick was staring off at the far wall.

"What's going on?" I asked nervously.

"We've been talking and, uh, we don't think it's safe for you to continue working with us." His words caught me off guard, a dizzy nauseous feeling settled in as I processed what he said. "Alex," I nodded as I slowly turned and headed for the door. "Alex" I heard Noah stand and start to follow me; as long as I was a few paces ahead of him he wouldn't catch up, he wouldn't dare run and cause a scene. Surprisingly Noah didn't give up, he followed me all the way outside and halfway to the bus before he had gained enough on me to reach one arm forward and wrap it around me stopping me in my tracks and pulling me back into him. "Alex, I need you to listen to me, you aren't going anywhere" he said quietly over my shoulder. He began turning me to face him, "you don't need a job, I don't care what you think, you don't need a job," he was staring into my eyes with deep intent. "I've already thought of every possible thought that might bother you about this." He stated. "You are staying here, on tour, with me, you are not going home to get some boring ass job." He pulled me into his chest for a tight embrace that I desperately needed. "Alex" he spoke again, "please talk to me"

I took in a shaky breath before speaking, "I don't want it to be this way" the tears broke forth as recklessly as I had run away. "I don't want this" my words came out followed by sobs, hating how weak I felt, I tired pulling myself together as Noah continued to hold me.

"What do you need me to do?" He asked gently.

"I need you to let me work" I pulled my head back to look up at him, his expression told me everything. I couldn't have what I wanted.

"Alex, I can't do that, I have to keep you safe," he sighed. "I promised your brother I would keep you safe, I constantly feel like I'm failing at that, please try to understand where I'm coming from." He all but begged. "I do this all because I love you,"

After a heavy moment of silence hung over us like a dark cloud I opened my mouth, "I'm going to have a hard time adjusting" I confessed with a hard swallow. "But I'll try my best" I hated having to surrender to the iron will he had, but it had to be done. It was either that or possibly lose him. "I love you too" I said before burying my face back into his chest. His fingers found their way to my hair where they played for a moment before he spoke.

"Lets go inside, you can watch the show side stage, or you can wait in the green room if you want?" He suggested.

"I want to watch" I pulled back from his embrace to let him turn towards the building, we started in a slow steady pace with heavy feet that didn't really want to meet their destination. There was an awkwardness once we were back inside; like everyone knew what had happened but no one was willing to admit it, like gossip.

"Only a few more days till our next day off," Noah sighed as he climbed into what is now our shared bunk. "What will I do with you then?" He asked quietly as he pressed his lips to my temple.

"Fucking me would be a good start" I teased.

"Oh of course, that's first on the list," his hands found my body under the covers. "If only we could practice beforehand," he sighed.

"Rules are rules, Noah" I used his own words against him. He dropped his head back against his pillow with a groan. "No funny business on the bus."

Sleeping became impossible as Noah fell asleep beside me with a heavy arm draped over me. My thoughts ping ponged back and forth trying to figure out where I stand after the day's events. Noah was so upset after finding the bruise on my arm I almost thought he was mad at me for it. At worst I thought he'd make me sit out a show, or not let me near the crowds anymore, but to fire me over it? It felt more than extreme, it was down right controlling. There was a part of me that just wanted to go home just to spite him for his extremism. I hate to admit it but the other part of me, the part of me still scarred from my time in Washington, craved the safety he provided and indulged in the rules and extremism. Washington Alex wants to stay right here in the comfort of knowing nothing bad can happen as long as the brick wall that Noah is, is around.