Bad Decisions - Noah Sebastian

You're On Your Own, Kid

I sat on my bed with my knees tucked under my chin as the daylight streamed in through my windows. Noah was in his room packing for tour and I was supposed to be doing the same. I just can't, I don't know how to, I feel lost staring down at my open suitcase. "You okay in here?" I heard Noah's concerned voice from the bathroom doorway.

"I don't know what I'm doing" I confessed, looking to him helplessly.

"Let me finish up in here and I'll help you, okay" he offered before turning away.

"Okay," I said mostly to myself. My suitcase was half full in the floor mocking me like a middle school bully. Maybe it was my fear of actually going on tour, maybe I'm just crazy. I stretched my legs out in front of me and slid off the bed, gently padding off to Noah's room through our secret passageway. He was busy walking back and forth, filling his suitcase meticulously. I quietly slid by and laid on the bed to watch him.

"Couldn't wait to see me, could you?" he teased when he turned to see me. I smiled as I nodded.

"I missed you" I played along, causing him to smile.

"I'm almost done here, then we can get you squared away,"

The impending doom of tour was beginning to get to me. After Noah helped me finish packing, we had a little bit of time before dinner. Unlike usual we all pitched in then gathered in the dining room like civilized humans. I sat between Nick and Noah; Nick wasn't letting up on Noah and wasn't giving of an inch of space if we were near each other. I let the roaring conversation of the boys wash over me and overwhelm my brain to the point I couldn't overthink. Although Nick wasn't, Noah was always aware of my silence, Noah's hand found my leg under the table and gave a reassuring squeeze before he leaned over to whisper in my ear, "You can go upstairs if you want."

"Nick will just be suspicious," I shook my head, although I loved the idea he presented me with. Oh, how I'd love to be upstairs right now, lying in bed, with Noah. This is the problem; how am I supposed to manage on tour? I'm far too much of a home body and probably a little too attached to Noah to be able to handle this. How am I going to react when there's hundreds of girls screaming just for Noah? How am I going to deal with that noise while I'm supposed to be doing my job? I forced myself to keep my breathing steady as my anxiety peaked inside me. Noah had returned to the conversation leaving me to my own internal battle, I took my drink from the table and threw it back, half a jack and coke went straight down, that pulled Noah's attention. "I'm fine" I whispered as he turned to me, his mouth open, ready to speak.

When Noah deemed it appropriate, he stood from the table, giving me an opportunity to follow his lead back to the kitchen where we cleared our plates. "Go on upstairs, I'll be up there shortly." He instructed as we stood side by side at the sink. I took my opportunity and snuck up the stairs and to my room where the only overwhelming thing was the suitcase that sat by the door. It only took Noah about twenty minutes to break away from the boys; when he entered my room, he looked almost defeated. "What's on your mind princess?" he asked as he neared the bed.

"A lot, I'm sorry for always worrying you" I threw my head back into the throw pillows on my bed, I truly felt awful for the mess that I am and the mess that Noah has to deal with.

"You have nothing to be sorry for, Alex." He slowly made his way closer to me.

"I'm just really stressed out about the change of scenery with tour and all, I don't think I'm ready to leave, I want to stay here forever. In my safe bubble" I explained turning my head to look at Noah as he sat on the bed.

"You'll still be safe on tour, you'll be around all the same people, a few new ones, But I'll always be around, Nick too," his hand found mine, his fingers slipped through mine and squeezed. Once again, my brain brought to my attention the words I had yet to confess to him. I had to fight them back, I couldn't, not yet, I don't even know when; the thought of it killed me. Noah pulled me from my train of thought.