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Megan
Normani and I were in bed together at the end of the night. We were talking about the call I finally got from Lauren. Lauren wasn't speaking much, but she of course confirmed who it was. She stated that before she lost consciousness, she saw Teyana's mask slip a little, revealing her nose piercing and of course, the woman yelled something out. Nothing much different from what I remember, but I lost consciousness sooner due to the impact. I'm still feeling like I should be able to recall more but it's frustrating.
"I just--- I remember I fell to the ground, I felt pain, then I---" I sigh and rub my temple as I try to force myself to think. "Think, Think, Think."
I shout at myself while Normani tries to comfort me.
"No! You don't get it, I need to piece this together. It's been too long and I feel like I'm missing something or like someone is fuckin' with me! Normani, I feel like I'm going crazy."
However, Normani sets a gentle hand on my shoulder for comfort. I feel a ton of anxiety as I force myself to piece together everything that has happened. So much so that I returned to the eatery and I swear I felt as though I was under surveillance.
I find a way to breathe as Normani tries to calm me down.
It is so unfortunate when you want to dig through your own forgotten experience but it is ruined by not really having a foolproof way to investigate.
"Hey, I'm here, let's not become upset, my love. I'm here for support."
"I'm so sorry, Mani. I just feel like I'm missing the obvious." I weep a little. "I remember her eyes, I remember getting hit but everything else is like gone. I know we know what happened now, but it still mentally affects me. I want to remember every detail. I want to know why someone I cared about did this to me! I feel like our family is ruined and taking the fall all because of her!"
"Megan, please." Normani gently approaches me, opening her arms for me to sink into.
As much as I want to sit here and continue to pick apart my memories, I also know that it's only causing me to become physically ill. I've woken up every morning from a nightmare in a cold sweat, sometimes I've even had to run to the bathroom vomiting because the memory of Teyana coming to visit me at the hospital is unbearable. I can't keep living like this anymore. I don't know how to help myself.
"Fuck." I start breaking out into sobs as Normani comforts me, rubbing my back gently.
She kisses my cheek on occasion and speaks to me gently. I know she is honestly trying her best and I love her so much for it. I hate that she is seeing me at my lowest. I know we said our vows when we were married through sickness and health. But I still feel guilty.
How dare I burden someone with this? Whether my wife or not. How dare I?
