Love Lives and Lies

Spring Sophomore Year- 4

Chapter 28

Theo and I haven't talked much this week. Not from Theo's lack of effort at least. He's texted and called me all week but I've been avoiding him.

I can't get over his blow up over the Cody situation. I don't want a boyfriend who is jealous and loses his cool over every interaction I have with a guy. What if he found out about Chase? Would he tell me to not go workout with him while I'm home? He can't control my life like that. I need to sit down and have a serious conversation with him now that we've both had the chance to cool off from our argument the other day.

It's Thursday and I'm supposed to leave for Cody's tomorrow. I text Theo after my last class, asking if we can meet up to talk. He responds within seconds saying that he'll meet me anywhere.

I debate having him come back to my dorm to talk, but Clarissa and Lizzy will be there, so there's not a lot of privacy there. I don't want to meet in public in case we have another blow up, so his room is the only logical option. I text him telling him I'll meet him at the frat house in twenty minutes and he tells me he'll be waiting for me.

No more than twenty minutes later, I'm walking up the steps to the frat house. Theo is there holding the door for me, looking a bit melancholy. I probably don't look much better myself.

He makes a point not to touch me as I walk past him and I kind of appreciate his restraint despite the fact that I've been missing his touch all week. We walk in silence up to his room and he shuts the door behind us after we enter.

Normally we go right for the bed when I'm here, but today I choose the couch. I sit on one end, curling up my leg so I can face Theo. He does the same on the opposite side from me. Neither of us say anything at first, but we don't meet each other's eyes either.

Finally I hear Theo take in a deep breath before saying, "I'm sorry Ava."

I turn to look at him and he looks truly apologetic. I give him a small smile, appreciating that he's taking the high road and apologizing to me for his actions.

"I didn't want to fight with you," he continues. "Can you forgive me, baby?"

"Of course I forgive you, Theo. We had a fight. It's not the end of the world. We just need to talk through things so we can avoid those kinds of fights in the future."

"You're right," he sighs. "I want to talk about this like adults."

"That's all I want, Theo, open and honest communication. I want us to both think about this rationally."

In my mind of course, Theo is being the irrational one, but I'm not going to outright say that.

"Okay," Theo agrees. "I just want to explain this from my perspective and then we can go from there. Is that okay?"

I nod in agreement.

"I haven't been in too many serious relationships before. Honestly this is the most serious I've ever been about a relationship. I'm crazy about you, Ava. I love you so much."

He takes a moment to get his thoughts together before continuing, "I don't know what it is, but seeing you around other guys just absolutely makes me see red. I know how amazing and absolutely gorgeous you are and I feel insecure. I feel like any guy could easily steal you away from me. I feel like I'm not good enough for you. I hate feeling like that so the only way I know how to avoid it is to keep you to myself."

He's staring down at his hands like he's ashamed to meet my gaze. He doesn't say anything more though so I assume it's my turn to talk.

"Theo," I say and reach out for his hand. "Thank you so much for telling me all that. You're my first relationship, period. I've never dated anyone before and this is all new to me. I love you so much that it scares me, but you can't stop me from living my life. I don't want to choose anyone other than you and I wish you could see that. Whether it's Cody or some other guy, I don't want them. I want you."

Theo looks up at me, only barely meeting my gaze.

"That being said though, it hurts my feelings that you would think that some guy could come in and sweep me off my feet. It's like you don't trust me and that's something about this that I can't get past."

"I love hearing you say that you love me and I know you mean it, but I just don't know how to turn off this part of me, Ava. I go crazy for you and it makes me crazy when I see other guys around you. I know you've never dated anyone before and it worries me that you'll want to try things with other guys. I'm not stupid, Ava. You're a catch and any guy would be insane not to notice that. Cody included. Like I said before, that guy is in love with you. Whether you see it or not, it's not cool for you to spend a weekend with a guy who knowingly wants to get into your pants. It's disrespectful to me and our relationship. I told you, I'll compromise with you and we can visit him for the day on Saturday. I'll do that for you, but I just don't want you going alone when I can't be with you. It would kill me, Ava."

"Theo, there's nothing going on between Cody and I," I say as slowly and clearly as possible. "I do not want to date Cody. I want to be with you. Why can't you just trust me?"

I'm so frustrated at this point that he can't understand where I'm coming from.

"Cody is my best friend. We've been friends for four years now and nothing has happened between us. I feel like you can trust me to not do anything to hurt you."

"I do trust you, Ava. It's him I don't trust," Theo grumbles.

"Well trusting me should be enough," I say.

"I'm sorry, Ava, but it's not."

"I don't know how we're going to get past this, Theo. I can't stop being friends with Cody because you get jealous every time I bring him up. I'm his friend. I need to be a good friend to him and that includes being there for him when he asks me to be, when he deserves to have his best friend by his side."

"I don't know what to tell you, Ava. I don't want you to go."

"So that's it then? You're going to make me choose between the two of you? Do you not see how unfair this is, Theo?"

He doesn't say anything, but that says enough for him.

I take a deep breath before going to stand up. "Goodbye, Theo. I hope you'll change your mind. If you do, feel free to call me on Sunday when I get back."

Theo looks at me, mouth agape, as I walk out of his room. I think he really thought I would choose him over my best friend, but I just won't do that. Boyfriends come and go, but best friends are forever.