Love Lives and Lies

Winter Freshman Year- 3

Chapter 9

There's still some time before I have to head back to school, so a few of my friends are coming over today so we can go to an under twenty-one club tonight. I had no idea these types of clubs even existed but my friend Hannah assures me it's the place to be.

I've never been to a club before and I silently thank Lizzy for all her help this past semester teaching me how to dance, do my makeup and hair, and how to dress. She's been an absolute godsend. Despite all her help, I have no idea what to wear though.

Hannah and I are the same size but Mandy, our other friend, is much smaller. Hannah brought over some of her clothes for us to choose from and Mandy just brought the outfit she's planning to wear. She has a deep purple bodycon dress and Hannah has decided on wearing one of the more risque dresses that I own that I've been too scared to wear myself. It's incredibly tight and short in my opinion and I just haven't had the guts to wear it yet. I don't think I can bring myself to wear a dress tonight for my first time at a club.

I settle on some short jean shorts. They still show off a lot of leg, but I won't feel as exposed as I would in a dress.

I'm trying to pick a shirt from my closet when Hannah pulls me aside and hands me one of her shirts. "Put this on," she says before ushering me into the bathroom.

I look down at what she handed me and realize it's a crop top. I've never worn a crop top before. I've never had my stomach on display in any way before. I just don't feel like my body is good enough to wear things like this.

I can feel myself start to sweat just thinking about wearing it. I pull up the tshirt I'm wearing and stare at my stomach. It's not as pudgy as I remember it. It's much flatter and I can see some definition to it. Maybe I've been hiding my body all this time for no reason. All the work I've been putting in for volleyball has given me the opportunity to put myself outside my comfort zone.

I sigh before pulling off my comfortable and safe tshirt and pulling on the black lacy crop top. It fits perfectly. I take a minute to look it over. There's a little bit of cleavage showing thanks to my push up bra. I have to admit the rest of my body looks good as well. I don't know what I was so scared of when it came to showing off my body.

I hesitantly open the bathroom door before entering my bedroom. Hannah and Mandy both squeal before pulling me into a hug.

"You look amazing!" Hannah says.

"Yeah Ava, I don't know why you've been hiding this hot bod on everyone all this time," Mandy agrees.

I can feel my cheeks heating up at their praise.

"Thanks, guys," is all I can manage to say through all the mixed feelings I'm having at the moment.

In the back of my head I wonder if maybe Cody would see me differently if he saw what I'm wearing right now.

We arrive at the club an hour later. When we walk in, there's a lady standing there to take pictures of everyone when they arrive. My friends and I strike a few poses before walking towards the dance floor.

I feel exposed in my outfit, but I do my best to exude confidence.

"Let's go dance!" Hannah calls out to us over the blasting music.

She grabs our hands and leads us to the dance floor. I'm not so big on tight spaces, but Hannah drags us deep into the depths of all the sweaty grinding bodies. We set up camp right in the middle of the floor and Hannah lifts her arms above her head and starts to dance. She's so good at dancing and letting go of all her inhibitions.

Mandy starts to dance a bit as well, albeit a bit more awkwardly. I've never danced like this before without alcohol in my system. Yeah, we took a good luck shot before we left, but that's not enough to get my groove going.

I slowly start to move my hips left and right, but I can tell I'm incredibly rigid. Hannah grabs my hands and lifts them above my head so we can dance together. She reminds me so much of Lizzy and I try to harness the Ava from college.

At college, Ava is confident and doesn't let anything or anyone get to her. At least that's the vibe I try to give off whether it works or not.

I slowly slip into the music and really start to dance. Hannah, Mandy, and I are having a great time just dancing with each other.

Mandy notices a guy that's been staring at Hannah across the room and Hannah being who she is has him wrapped around her within minutes. I don't know how she does that with such confidence.

He has his hands all over her body as they dance together and I can't help but feel a bit jealous. I wish a guy would just look at me like that from across the room and come dance with me.

The night carries on and both Mandy and Hannah have multiple dance partners. I, unfortunately, have had no male contact except for the guys I clumsily keep bumping into on the dancefloor.

It's something I'm used to but it still breaks my heart a little bit. I really thought tonight would be a night I could get a little experience. I'm not trying to meet prince charming on the dance floor, but like my first kiss, I just want the experiences. How will I ever know how to interact with a guy if I'm never given the chance?