The Good Wife

Proposal

And the next life is certainly far better for you than this one.

Aamna

I threw up everything I ate in lunch .Since this wedding ficaso ,I have not been feeling well. My appetite is gone, and so does my sleep. Today, I ate only curd rice, and that too threw up. If an outsider looks at it ,it feels like morning sickness, but it's not what it looks. I did Wudu and stood on my prayer mat and performed salah of  Ishand as usual, I opened my heart to Allah.

"Allah, you are the only one for me.I don't know whom to speak. Whom to open my heart ,and if I does, I don't know if they'll understand or not .As the wedding date is near, my heart is anxious. It's not my pre exam nervousness that stays for a few hours.I am constantly in stress . I feel   I am at my worst . I thought I moved on from such things, but I am still at the same place ,crying on my prayer mat .

Whenever Aamir comes around, my toes curles ,palms sweating, heart is thumping like it will come out from my ribcage. My chest hurt like crazy , and my breath becomes shallow.  I feel someone has stopped my breathing, and I feel out of the air . Whenever I try to eat food ,I become full quickly.

I know what is triggering my anxiety . The moment we signed marriage papers, he
gain right on me. We have to stay together. I have to share a room with him. Our bed will be the same.I can't spend time with a man alone ,it scares me. How I'll live with him. I have to give him conjugal rights , he will initiate intimacy. He will touch me whenever and wherever he wants. He'll hold my hand ,may be he'll touch my lips or try to kiss me. What I'll do then ?? My scars will be visible to him. He'll find out how weak I was.

How I'll handle this ?? I may postpone it, but I can't cancel it. I am incompetent for becoming a "Good Wife " .Tears roll down from my cheek .I feel pathetic, still stuck on the same point of life. I knew he won't budge. He decided to marry, and he would make it possible . Even if I beg, he won't change his mind . My family won't understand. He won't stop nagging, but

THIS MARRIAGE WON'T LAST FOR A MONTH

It's just a matter of time ,he will back out . Right now, I am just a mission/goal for him. The moment it's achieved, he will lose interest. My family is good for nothing . I'll not inform them if we separate in the future.My eyes caught sleeping Karuna's face .

"You tried your best, but I am back to my anxiety & insecurity," I sighed.Alarm clock started ringing, so it's already 4:30 .
"Congrats, Aamna. You haven't slept the whole night just like yesterday, "I muttered.I started moving towards the washroom to do Wadu.

When I returned, I saw karuna"s sleeping form on the bed .She snuggled more in a giant  pink teddy bear.
" This kiddo will be engaged tomorrow . The one who can't handle herself will have to tackle marriage responsibilities. Life is strange. "

I did Fajr salah and then start making notes. I dressed up before 11, and as his call came ,I reached downstairs. His sisters and mother came with a driver.Aamir hasn't arrived,and I got momentary relief

" Bhabhi (Sister in law) ! " Anara ran towards me and hugged me tightly. It filled my heart with warmth. "I am so happy, brother, find his soulmate. Now I'll have another companion to join me ,I don't need boring people,"she showed her tongue to Asma. A wide smile spread  on my face.

"Anara ?" His mother warned her, and she kept quiet for some time .

"Assalamualaikum,"I greet her politely, I think it's too early to kiss her hand.

"Waalaikumussalam,"  replied in the same tone.

our first official meeting after fixing the wedding. I am walking on eggshells, I don't want to do anything wrong today . We sat in the car, and Anara instructed the driver to move towards a nearby cafe.