The Good Wife

Hope

Note - complete chapter is written in English as  many readers wished.

Aamna

Hope is a four letter word but its not just a word. It is ray of sunshine in the dark nights. It keeps us motivated to move ahead ,may be things is better in future.

So many things are caged in my heart. It makes my heart heavy. I just wish someday I'll find someone to whom I can share my feelings. May be that day this burden from my heart will be lift up.

I wants to feel those carefree laughs again. I don't want to be stuck in past memories. My past can't decide my future. I want to feel that, if certain things doesn't happen...what I would have choose.

The restrain I have put on myself. Today I am loosening them. I am loosening it in the hope that good things in the way ahead. Just today I don't want to act matured than my age. I also want to enjoy the blessings of Allah.

" In the name of Allah with whose name nothing can harm in earth or heaven, and he is All hearing, All knowing " I recited the prayer. Prayer mat is my safe place,my heaven. It gives me solace.I  shared everything with him and it lift my anxiety to certain level. I know,he is with me everywhere.

Today we are attending first ever seminar. Our professors instructed us to collect synopsis from this and we have discuss it with later. We are going to talk with expert in
the end.

I takes all necessorry things and move toward college. This is my first seminar. I am exicted and as well as nervous on the same time. I hold belt of my colleg bag to support and moves towards seminar hall. It is last at the north west side of college. Our college has rectangle garden in middle which is surrounded by buildings. I took short cut and start crossing through gardern. After few meter ,I reached at the end of one corridor.

I opened gate and there is different vibe there. Its a huge room which is  dimly litted,infront of me is stage which is not properly visible due to closed  red curtain . There is blue coloured chairs are placed. Two volunteers are doing last minutes preparations. Few students are sit in mixed group. I mean boys and girls are sitting together in a row. I sit in a row which is completely empty. I still absorbing vibe of this place. It exites me. Who doesnt like new experience and I am the same.

Slowly lights were off and focus on stage is on. Our guest speakers is arrived .After formal welcome,seminar started .A speaker start his speech . I was noting facts,someone sat beside me with a jolt. It surprise me ,I move towards the late comer. It surprise me as its Aamir. He moves his shoulder upward with a goofy smile and I just kept looking him.

"Allah ,I want this. ,I want this unrestrained feeling.I want this kind of smile.smiles which naturally came." I dont know what I am asking and why?

Whenever I saw people smiling,laughing and living life with ease ,I wished the same. My cravings to live again arise. I want to feel again like I used to do. It makes me desperate.  I dont want to snatch it from others, I just want mine.

Seminar is done with great insights ,I learnt about medical journels.How research papers is published.What new studies are runing currently. It was though provoking sessionin the beginning but boring at the end.

I moves to canteen and today it is very crowded for obvious reason.One table is vacant at the corner,I give my order and sit there. In mean time a plate is served. It contains french fries ,burger and pestry . I hadn't ordered it. Mine order was Pav bhaji.There is some mistake....

One more plate served which has pav bhaji.The moment waiter left ,I found Aamir sat infront of me.

"You sat on my table? " he asked

"I thought this one was empty ,Ill leave " I look around for another table but none was empty.

"If you wish,you can sit .Its just a  matter of few minutes ." He said and I nodded my head in aggrement. I put lemon drops and onion and my plate and my eyes stuck at his face. His eyes were closed ,completely enjoying the taste of piece of french fry. A faint smile came on my face. He looks like a child ,no melice,no ulterior motive ,enjoying his life.

"This is magic of french fries" he said suddebly.

"Huh ?"

"Eat it and experience the joy " he moved his plate towards me and I was in dilemma of taking it or not.

"Ohh you are the one who doesnt like to share others food" he said and ordered another plate.

"Aren't you too quick to form opnion about others." I said.

" shouldn't I ?  " he asked looking towards me.

My lips were sealed but my  inner voice yelling me to speak up. It is telling me to start expressing my thoughts again. Aamna speak please speak. My heart beat is raising .I took a deepbreath and

"No,you shouldn't " my voice quickerd but I spoke up after a while.It is so relexing ,I don't why but it feels good.

His hands stopped and attention is on me. "Give sometime to others to speak up for themselves."I said in calm voice.

"Okay"

Plate of french fries arrives ,our eyes meet and then we look to waiter and again to each other. We looks to the plate and then each other. There is silence.  At last he pick one fry ,dip in tomato souce ,let souce roll on it and take one bite.His eyes automatically closed. I follows him, took one piece and repeat the circle. Closed my eyes when food enter in my mouth.Salty ,tangy taste rolls on my tongue. For a second my worries disappeared,the burden lifted. I was just enjoying taste of french fries. A simple meal can be good experience if it taken in right way.

Rest of the time, we were quiet.He left after finishing his lunch. One accidental meeting give me relexation,I was desiring from ages.

I feel someone put balm on wounds
I feel someone made me forgot my worries
I feel somone gave calm to my restless heart.
I feel someone lifted my burden for
few seconds.

I keep looking the empty seat infront of me. I get what I was craving. The joy is addictive ,I want more of it. I knkw its wrong to pursue such dreams but its forbidden in Islam. His proposal came in mind. If I shall marry him this can be daily affair. Will he behave the same ? Am I thinking too much. I am flowing in emotions.

I was treated so badly in past few years that his kind gesture melt my heart. I am habitual to rude,cruel behaviour but may I was not. Inner me wanting love and care. He was civil to me. And I am divorcee ,I shouldn't waste my time in thinking all thjs nonsense things. The moment he find out,he'll behave the same