All The Lies We Told

CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR

The wood creaks underneath my shoes when I step off the last stair of the Nash porch I've spent so much of my time on this past year. I run into the city-scaped darkness wrapped in light-polluted skies, and the sirens of ambulances sing in the distance.

Declan turns around and makes a run for it as soon as he spots me. The devastation and resentment monopolising his face send me down into the dumps. My chest swirls with confusion and sympathy, and his defeat becomes mine. If I don't try, then everything would have been for nothing. I have to try, at least.

"Dec!" I cup my hands over my mouth and speed toward him. "Declan! Will you please just—"

He purposely knocks over a few trash bins to keep me away from him. The lids fly open and smash against the pavement. He doesn't even care that he's quite literally trashing the street and dumping garbage everywhere. Luckily, I notice quickly enough to circumvent crashing into them. As I effortlessly jump over and avoid the trash cans like an obstacle course, he's continuously knocking over more as he passes them. He's struggling a bit when trying to get down a fifth, and when he does, out pops a man. Declan's mouth drops, and he sprints even quicker.

"Hey! What the fuck are you guys doing?" A dark-haired homeless person screams when he realises he's on the ground. "I was fucking sleeping!"

"Sorry!" I pass by and do a double-take to make sure that I'm not seeing things. How comfortable can that even be?

I was expecting this to go a lot differently. It might have been wishful thinking now that I think back on it. I was hoping he would be mad at Aubrey and I'd be in the clear and have the chance to explain myself. That I'd lift my mask, let him see the real me, and he'd be happy with it. And we'd kiss and dance all night long. It wouldn't have been a big deal because I was never more me until him.

I wasn't expecting this. This changes everything. Had Aubrey told me, I wouldn't have done it. I mean, I shouldn't have anyway but this makes it ten times worse. He's her brother; I'm guessing fraternal twin. They're the same age, after all. So, if this tracks right, I'm sibling hopping. Love that for me.

A sudden gust of wind cries against my face, and I'm reminded of what I was doing.

"Declan?" my voice echoes through the dark streets. I turned around for a few seconds. How could he have gotten away that quickly? A car alarm is going off faintly in the distance, and I run as quickly as I can in that direction.

Declan's still nowhere to be found. I've circled the block twice; I don't know how he got away. I didn't see any cars pass by, so rideshare is out of the question.

Not even the car's alarm that was going off was him. When I got to the vicinity of where I heard the alarm, some teen boy was getting screamed at by—I'm assuming—his dad for trying to take the car.

Stupidly, I checked some trash bins in case he saw the homeless man and got some ideas. I say stupidly because Declan would never climb into a garbage can. He wouldn't be able to contain himself in the stink.

The line trills twice before he sends me to voicemail. So I try again. And again. Maybe if I keep trying, he'll see how much I do care. Perhaps he'll notice the endless amount of effort I'm putting in. Maybe he can look past it all.

On the third try, he answers immediately. "What?!" His voice cracks at the end, and it's not his high customer service voice that makes it crack, either. This is a heart-wrenching roar.

"I just wanted to make sure you're okay. You're okay, right? Where are you?"

"Why did you even do it?" There's a small break in his voice when he asks, and my heart feels like it's been ripped out of my chest. Now that I'm finally presented with the chance to explain myself, I'm all choked up and scared. If my answer isn't good enough, then this is it. "What did you get from it?" he sniffles.

"You. For both questions." I respond as confidently as I can. "You, Declan. I told you already, I like you." I try to reassure him again and take this chance to try and save whatever this is. It's now or never, John!

"Listen, I know the way it happened was fucked up, but I've never felt this way for anyone. I swear to you, I hid behind a fake profile, but everything else was me. I've never done that before..." I choke on my words a little bit. I've never put my heart out like this. I hope I'm doing it right. I hope I don't fuck it up like I fuck everything else up. "I've never given that much of myself to anyone. And, of course, it was easier because I felt safe behind the Matt persona, but you also made me feel safe. Like nothing I tell you could ever make you think less of me. A kind of support and positivity I never knew I existed. I always felt like something was off in my life. Like I didn't have a purpose, like I could never truly be happy. Like I was fated for mediocrity. Until I met you." I chuckle. "Or you know you until I got to know you. I'm learning new things about myself and am proactively analysing myself, trying to understand myself. And I don't know if I would have made some of the discoveries I had if it weren't for you."

I've gone over this a thousand times in my head, and it still comes out all wrong. I sound like a crazy person! Like, Hi, I catfished you, but please give me a chance.
Why would he ever? In his eyes, I'm just another person who screwed him over. I'm worse than James, even.

"I don't know what to say to you, John. I just found out my aunt is actually my mother, and my cousin is my sister. And my parents..." The line goes silent. "They fucking lied to me too! My whole life was a damn lie. And on top of it all, I got catfished like the fucking naive fool I am. I don't have time for this, John. I gotta go."

The line goes blank.