All The Lies We Told

CHAPTER FIVE

I should have just barged into his room. I know for a fact that he's not asleep, he just texted me the screenshot of his Grindr profile thirty minutes ago. There's no way in hell he fell asleep that fast and he's not one to be in bed by 11 PM. He stays up until 2 AM doing only god knows what. I don't understand why my Aunt Irene is so scared to walk in, he doesn't even have a lock on his door. What is she afraid she's going to walk in on him jerking off to gay porn?

My Aunt Irene has always treated Declan like he is some delicate flower, and it's only gotten worse over the years. It's like he's a big baby and she allows it, enables it even. She's an enabling, helicopter mom who thinks her son is a gift from the gods. Like seriously... She says it all the time.

My entire childhood centred around Declan. If I wasn't off in the sidelines watching my Aunt Irene baby him, I was home listening to Mom brag to her cracked-out bar friends about how amazing Declan is doing.

She would sit on the phone in the paisley pink recliner that Aunt Irene gifted her and brag about her perfect little nephew.

"He did so great in the talent show, I wish Aubrey would put herself out there more."

"The kid is fearless, I don't know where he gets it from! Irene raised him for fucks sake."

There was no escape.

So I stayed in my lane, kept in the shadows. How is it that I can resent him so much but still care for him? It's not his fault everyone in our lives is obsessed with him. I've wanted my main character moment for so long and I don't think anyone, not even John understands how important this is to me. For once, it's about me and how I feel, what I'm going through.

How fearless I am.

It's nice that Declan and Aunt Irene have been making more effort to have me over for dinner and offer to help with Mom. But I don't know how much longer I can go on like this. It's suffocating and unbearable.

My phone lights up from the passenger seat.

Kara Jennings:

Seniors! This is the last Kara Jennings masquerade you will ever attend. Let's party!! Food and drinks will be available but feel free to BYOB and add it to the stash table!

Upon arriving, I will have you all scan a QR code for a survey. The survey will determine which Senior prank we are going forward with.

Last but not least, let's have fun! :)

My car weaves back and forth as I check the guest list to see if Declan accepted.

He did.

Of course he did, I knew he wasn't sleeping.

Slamming on my break, I swerve into the other lane to avoid hitting the car in front of me. A little rain and people here act like they don't know how to drive. It's ridiculous.

"God! It's brutal out here!"

I scream along with Olivia Rodrigo for the whole neighbourhood to hear and park my car.

"I need you to go to Kara's masquerade party with Declan." I blurt out to John before he could finish saying hello.
There's a long silence over the line before he answers. "What?! Isn't that a little too risky?"
"No! You'll be in a mask, he'll never know."

John lets out an airy breath and the line goes silent again. I can tell he's uncomfortable with doing it. He's going to do that thing where he thinks up a bunch of reasons to get out of doing things. He does it all the time. The most recent occurrence was our planned double date with Hanna and Wesley, he waited literally until the day of, to decide he wanted to cancel. He used his go-to excuse, which was "family emergency". When we first started hanging out, he'd constantly try backing out of plans we had with each other and used that excuse up until he realised he couldn't. As soon as he said it, I knew he was lying.

"He's going to recognise my voice."

I wait for him to throw more excuses my way but he doesn't. Just that one, and it's a good one. I didn't think of Declan possibly recognising John's voice. Can't he just throw on a customer service voice or something? Declan does it all the time: his voice goes higher and there's a prominent pep in his step.

"Just make your voice a little bit higher." I respond. What next? He's going to ask how to do that too? "It's not a big deal," I add out of annoyance. "He will never know, I promise."
    "Fine."

I pull my phone away from my ear only to realise that he hung up. What a fucking dick. It's not like I'm asking him to kiss Declan, it's just a stupid masquerade party. All he has to do is show up, have a couple of dances with Declan and leave. Also, it's Kara Jenning's party, she'll have endless barrels of beer. He can drink his night away for all I care.

I pull up Google and search for men's masquerade costumes, take a screenshot and send it to John.

Aubrey N: the look we're going for.

I wait for a response and scroll through Pinterest for some more inspiration on costumes for John. I can't imagine it will be hard to find a mask, we can probably just go to Party City and go from there. I dont know if I've ever seen John in a suit or if he owns one at all.

Aubrey N: Do you have a suit?

My bedroom door creaks open as if someone is going to enter like it always does when the front door is shut. Mom's junkie boyfriend is pattering around the kitchen, opening and closing cupboards and the refrigerator. I peer out the small crack of the door and watch him as he struggles to open a beer with a lighter. The thought of letting him know where the bottle opener is crosses my mind for a split second but no, I hid it for a reason. He shouldn't be coming over here and drinking in front of mom considering she's on the verge of death. There's this small part of me that feels like she didn't quit cocaine like she said she would too. Why would she when her man is basically a drug dealer? All things considered, the heavy amount of cocaine she's done in her lifetime most likely contributes to her heart problems.

John H: no.
Aubrey N: ok, we'll go to the thrift store over the weekend and see what they have.

He reacts with a thumbs up and I leave it at that.