CHAPTER 8

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PRESENT
I came to my senses when Rayan entered in the room, with several bags. "These are sarees that I got for you and that you will have to wear," he said as I wrapped myself more tightly. I got out of bed and pushing him I said I wouldn't do what you wanted and above all I wouldn't wear those clothes, he took me by the shoulders, rubbed and pushed me, screaming at me everything made me scared but I didn't show my emotions. I freed myself from his grip and ran to the bathroom because I had tears that wouldn't wait too long to fall. Crying alone was now one of the few things I could do.

I looked in the mirror well, this was not me that I saw now, this was not Masheal, where was the strong and courageous Masheal that everyone knew. Why do I keep arguing with Rayan, why do I call him back when I believe it's nobody's fault. All that happened in these two days of marriage were reactions to what we have not been able to say before, to what we have lost or done with obligation. But Rayan doesn't understand that we both need time to accept, why he bullies, why he reacts as if he were the only one who had lost something. I got out of the bathroom and lay down on the sofa big enough for two, meanwhile Rayan was on his computer doing something.

He demanded from me wearing Sarees just because Rayan's lover Zoya liked them but I'm not Zoya I'm Masheal so a completely different person another personality but how he can demand this since then. But I had no other choice, he had burned all the clothes I had so tomorrow morning I had to wear the saree. And so it was, in the morning when I woke up to get ready, Rayan was already awake, I took yesterday's bag and he understood right away and I went to the bathroom. "Wear what you need, I'll tie it up afterwards", he said, no, I can handle it by myself and I went to the bathroom. Maybe, maybe he was right, I needed his help but now I didn't want to go out and ask him because I said no before and I was regretting that. I was just thinking when he knocked on the bathroom door, "I'm coming in Masheal" I only had half of the dress on and I felt very incomplete, he walked in and turned his back without looking at me.

"Now I'll tell you how you can tie it, I'll tell you step by step and follow me. I do it because if I brought them then I also have to teach you how to wear it", all right I said undecided and confused. "Start dividing it into two parts but leave one longer than the other", o-ok, this did it.. after, "Now wrap the shortest part in the petticoat and get it right", what do you mean by right?, "It doesn't have to open so get it right and now the hardest part, so listen to me well", still there the hard part! is it normal to have knots or creases? "No Masheal, there must be no knots do things right", don't complain, this is what I can do so let's go on. "Now be careful, with the longest part start wrapping to make different parts but with the same size", I didn't understand anything but I'll try, "Make the steps as I told you and see you'll do" let's hope! I don't think it will come out, Ooh here it came out maybe, yes! Turn around and look. I saw how he laughed after looking at me, I looked at myself from my feet to my head but to me it seemed well bonded, not professional but that was something.

Don't laugh! It's not funny at all, you could have liked another type of dress maybe a little simpler but of all things only these Sarees are fine for you. He approached saying; "As a first time it's not bad, but you can't go out like this so untie it and we'll try again", No no! Not even for a dream, that's fine with me I don't untie it because I don't want to do it all over again, "I'll tie it for you", you're crazy! don't try, I'd rather go out in my pgiamas, I said to him, taking steps behind, "I won't look at you, don't worry" he said pushing me towards him. He closed his eyes and only with a touch managed to untie the whole dress and started over, went step by step, just the ones he had told me at the beginning that I wasn't understanding. I watched it to the end and it seemed easy, next time I wouldn't need his help.

He was doing the last things when I said; you learned it to tie it to Zoya right? "I'm not lying, yes!" and in the meantime he had finished, he opened his eyes and remained to see me, he was tall, much taller than me, so he had to bend down to tie my Saree, little by little he approached my mouth, I was trembling and i immediately left the bathroom.

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