Twisted Love

eight

'MY EXISTENCE is a scandal.'

Oscar Wilde swayed at the corner of my memories, retrieving a piece of line that I wondered about a lot of time.

What was he thinking when he said that?

Did he know that people would hold his work against their wounded chest and weep over his creation? He probably was aware he was giving birth to chaos with his words. He knew what he was doing. And he knew he was an arrogant son of a bitch whose piece would halo around the world like a silent storm for ages.

'If you pretend to be good, the world takes you very seriously.  If you pretend to be bad, it doesn’t. Such is the astounding stupidity of optimism.'

Another quote crashed inside my head making me narrow my eyes at nothing particular. A shiver slathered throughout my skin, pricking my hair when I thought about the morning encounter with Paris and Alex.

He was supposed to be here any time soon to pick me up for lord knows why. My heart was still heavy as sin. I couldn’t focus on my work. The burden of looking for a job is already sitting on my shoulder. According to my perception I am doing injustice to myself. Keeping myself low and and penurious.

The promises I made years ago in my room sitting on my bed, were now groaning in raw pain, making a disappointing disposition at me. I still remember the crimson liquor that I tested on my tongue when he slapped me hard enough to go deaf for a few minutes, just because I was late to make his dinner.

The red and purple marks on my body may have vanished but the stinging and burning pain was still there, lingering as a reminder. I recall the heartily promises I made for myself, that I am going to give my adulthood a good life, warm food on the table and good fabric on her body. But nothing like that happened yet.

Instead of life changing, my life was twisting like an earth worm was thrown into fire as everyone around watched it burn slowly.

"If you pretend to be good then the world takes you seriously." I mumbled half of the quote wondering if It's really true or it's just an acrid lie of a writer who might have written that just to elate his inconsolable heart.

It could be.

Because, life never took me seriously neither the people around me. My childish heart and mind kept optimizing, for someone to save me from my father. My heart wished to get a stable job during my uni life, so that I could stand on my feet and live my life with a little bit of comfort that it deserved.

Life never treated me the way I hoped.

"You never told us he was your boyfriend." I flinched when a curious voice said. I glanced at the teen who was now frowning at me with an accusatorial face.

"Sorry?" I frowned back.

"The guy who visited you today. You never told us you have a rich boyfriend." Tara said sighing deeply as I watched other teenage workers standing beside her watching our whole conversation like some die heart audience.

People love gossip.

"Don’t you think it’s none of your business if I have a rich or poor boyfriend?" I replied calmly staring at her without any emotions on my face. I know what was going on inside that pretty but empty head of Tara. By now she might have imprinted my name with Gold Digger inside her head. I know when I see one. Judgment isn’t something people could control but that doesn’t mean you cannot control it.

The bad-ass bitch face was now thrown away from her face, replacing a panic look.

Low confidence level.