[BL] I shouldn't have married the crown prince

Chapter 84- Gilbert's POV

"What do you mean?"

Gilbert's breathing was way too quick and he tried his best to calm down:

"Nothing.

-Gilbert... Please tell me. Otherwise I won't be able to fix it.

-But I don't want you to fix anything. Don't you understand? I ran away from you for a reason! I don't need your money anymore. Why would I? I don't have anyone left to spend it on. Who would I give it to? My grandma? Surprise she's dead!"

Gilbert felt his throat close up and he didn't like it. Seeing him fight against sadness made Andrew frown and he tried touching Gilbert but the latter pushed him back fiercely:

"Don't touch me! I don't need your help! I don't need your money! I don't need anyone else! I already lost everyone and I can't do it again!

-Gilbert... I will never abandon you. I came all this way for you.

-You will! And don't get me wrong I want you to.

-But...

-I don't want to hear it. You will abandon me too but that's okay. I don't care. I don't want to care.

-I will never abandon you. I will always help you...

-That's the problem! Stop telling me that! If you continue always being there I will..."

He pinched his lips but Andrew wasn't giving up:

"What will you do?

-Why are you insisting so much? What do you want to hear? I got used to it! Happy? I trust you and I got used to your help!"

Andrew smiled and that made Gilbert even angrier. Andrew had loved making Gilbert angry in the past because that meant he cared about him more. But at that moment, he would have given anything to calm Gilbert down.

"Isn't that a good thing?

-Like hell it is! I don't want to trust you! I hate you!

-That's okay... You can hate me all you want, Gilbert. I don't want you to love me.

-Me neither!

-I just want to help you.

-But I don't want your help either. I hate having to depend on you. I hate saying thanks to you. I hate asking your for help. I...

-Is it that bad? Gilbert, I know that the way I treated you was horrible and I am in no way trying to minimize it but I am trying to be better. Would it be so bad to forgive me?"

Gilbert didn't want to look at Andrew:

"Yes, it would.

-Why? Why can't you accept help? You deserve help, Gilbert and there is nothing shameful in asking for it.

-But you can't be the one to help me!

-Why?

-Because! Because my past self would never forgive me. I can't be the pitiful guy who forgives the one who bullied him!"

Andrew looked like he had been pierced by a blade:

"I know... I was horrible and I know I don't deserve to apologize but I am so sorry. I won't ever hurt you again I promise and I have been proving it for months. I don't ask you to forgive me at all, I just want you to let me help you. I just want to be there for you..."

Gilbert shook his head:

"I'm not talking about our time having sex together."

Andrew frowned:

"Then... I am so sorry but I don't understand.

-Of course you don't.

-Gilbert please tell me.

-You don't remember because it was nothing to you. You bastard... How could I trust and forgive you when you are the one who..."

Gilbert bit his lip very hard, refusing to speak.

"Who what? Who what Gilbert?

-I won't tell you. That would be way too easy."

The way he smiled looked terrifying and Andrew thought he was in hell for a second.

"Do you love me?

-Y-yes.

-Then you should spent the rest of your life wondering what you could have done to push me away."

Gilbert turned around:

"Now leave and never come back.

-No! Gilbert... Please! I will take whatever punishment. You can hit me. You can destroy me. Just let me be there for you. You don't look fine. You just lost your grandma!"

Gilbert turned back to Andrew and hit his torso with all his strength:

"Do you think I don't know that? How could I forget? Doctors have told me that she didn't have a day left for years! I have accepted it already! I am fine! I don't care!

-Gilbert... That's not...

-Even if I was sad, why should I be comforted by you? Why you out of everyone? The one guy I should hate more than anyone? The one that humiliated me!"

Both of them froze. Gilbert had screamed so loud that Jolie came rushing back in and placed herself in front of her owner, trying to protect him with her body.

"Gilbert? What does that mean?

-You..."

Gilbert couldn't fight the tears anymore and he hated that. He started wiping his cheek so violently that he cut himself:

"Why am I crying? I am not sad. Why would I cry because of someone like you? I don't care about you. I don't care about the past.

-Gilbert... What were you talking about?"

Gilbert started laughing. But his laugh broke Andrew's heart.

"Of course you don't know. How could you? That would mean caring about someone else than you."

After every sentence, Gilbert took a step closer to Andrew and the latter backed away, not able to look away from Gilbert's eyes once. However, Gilbert didn't have time to continue because hearing the screams, the worried villagers rushed to Gilbert's house.

"Gilbert! What happened?

-Are you okay?

-We heard screams."

Andrew didn't even turn around, still staring at Gilbert. The villagers seeing the stranger and a bleeding Gilbert, they immediately jumped between them. Two of them grabbed Andrew by the arms while the third person rushed to check on Gilbert:

"Gilbert? Who is this man? Do you need us to take him away?"

Gilbert quickly shook his head and his cheeky smile came back:

"No, it's okay. He was leaving anyway. Right, Andrew?"

The latter was frozen. He couldn't leave. How could he? But what could he say? He had wanted to help Gilbert so bad but all he had done was hurt him. Did he even deserve to stay with him? What was the right answer?

The villagers weren't convinced by Gilbert's words so they continued holding the man. Seeing that, Gilbert walked closer to him. He grabbed Andrew by the shoulders and whispered, close to his ear:

"You shouldn't have loved me in the first place. I don't know what changed but you should go back to the original you. And don't think that I will miss you."

Gilbert pulled away and the way his face lost all expression made Andrew shutter:

"Because you don't deserve that."