[BL] I shouldn't have married the crown prince

Chapter 56-Cadmael's POV

Cadmael couldn't take Eschyle talking about Diana and he decided to flee. He wanted to stay all night and even all his life curled up in Eschyle's arms but everytime he heard Eschyle talk about someone else, he felt his body crawl. Why did he seem so serious when he was talking about Diana? Sometimes Eschyle really behaved as if he knew things others couldn't. Cadmael noticed this way back when he first met Eschyle. Or at least the new Eschyle.

The body of Eschyle was very young when its personality completely changed. At the beginning Eschyle looked at Cadmael with cold and contemptuous eyes. He wasn't different from anyone else and bullied him without remorse. There were numerous times when he hit him until he bled and never once did he seem remorseful.

But one day everything changed. Eschyle's gaze became warm and shy and he started avoiding Cadmael. Then when they met again it was to help him with shaking hands. Eschyle became really scared of blood for some reason and couldn't hide how much he liked helping others. For some reason he seemed very scared of Cadmael but at the same time never hesitated to help him or anyone else. No one could change this much in a single night and that's when Cadmael started to have suspicions.

However he didn't say anything, preferring things the way they were. He started following and observing Eschyle and things just started to pill up. Eschyle knew Cadmael's birthday. This was all in one very strange. No one knew about Cadmael's birthday, not even the maids. Some nice maids asked and made him some cake but Cadmael didn't say his real birthday being warned multiple times not to be discovered. Then how did Eschyle know about it?

And even stranger: He backed him cake every year. Really delicious cakes at that. How could a Duke's son know how to backe? Who would teach him? Cadmael started thinking about this and happened to stumble upon a book relating past soul switches. Cadmael read the book with great interest and couldn't help thinking about Eschyle. What if he was a soul from another world who happened to one day wake up in Eschyle's body? This would explain why he behaved so differently than before.

But how could he know things the original Eschyle didn't? And what happened to him in his original world for him to be so scared of blood? Cadmael didn't have all the answers yet but he knew he had to protect Eschyle. If he was so scared because of his original world, he would never let him leave. He would keep him here and protect him forever. The other worlds didn't deserve him at all.

Cadmael didn't think much about it after getting to this decision. But once in high school he got reminded of all this once again. Eschyle behaved anxiously sometimes as if waiting for something to happen. And it usually did. Every time Eschyle seemed stressed or excited something would happen in the following days. Cadmael started getting used to it and did as if he didn't know anything. However sometimes he did something and Eschyle would panic. Did he do something he wasn't supposed to?

Cadmael found this kind of frustrating. Why was Eschyle stressing out so much about things? He did what he wanted to and he didn't want Eschyle imposing things on himself. The more they grew, the more Cadmael wanted to do things that would make Eschyle panic. He wanted Eschyle to focus on him and see that he couldn't be controlled. He wanted Eschyle to understand that he could do anything he wanted. But for some reason Eschyle didn't understand at all.

He couldn't stop talking about Diana and Cadmael understood that he was supposed to like her. But he didn't and he would never. Every time Eschyle tried to bring them closer, Cadmael asked himself who made Eschyle do this? Who decided that he had to like Diana? And how did Eschyle know? Was someone giving him orders? Was this why he was so anxious? But Cadmael was always with Eschyle and he never saw someone suspicious around him. Was it Diana? It couldn't be. Eschyle didn't know her at the beginning and she was his fiance.

Cadmael partly became emperor because of this. Being on the throne he thought Eschyle would finally realize that he was being protected and calm down. While in power, Cadmael could keep an eye on things and make sure everything would be fine. Eschyle wasn't too scared at the idea of Cadmael not loving Diana so it was not a question of life or death. But Eschyle seemed really puzzled every time Cadmael said he didn't like Diana and that irritated him. Why did Eschyle look at him that way? They became friends but for some reason, Eschyle still looked at him as if he saw a painting he couldn't touch.

He wanted Eschyle to touch him. He wanted him to forget his world and Diana and focus only on him. He couldn't take it anymore and confessed but once again Eschyle talked about Diana with eyes full of determination. Cadmael wanted to kiss him then and there. Maybe that way he would finally understand but he couldn't have Eschyle get scared again and flee like before. He had to be patient but it was way too hard.

What if he found the one who told Eschyle about Diana and him and killed them? He thought about it already but never found the person. However he wanted to kill them more than ever now. Who were they to make Eschyle feel like a spectator in his own life? With them out of the picture, Eschyle would be his.

Having decided that, Cadmael went back to his study where Alphonse was desperately trying to do all the work as usual when Cadmael was with Eschyle. Whenever Eschyle showed up, it was the end of the world and it was as if Cadmael forgot he was the emperor. When he sat down, Alphonse felt a chill go down his spine. Cadmael seemed in a very bad mood and he saw only one explanation:

"Your majesty, did you tell Eschyle about your feelings?"

Cadmael raised his expressionless eyes towards Alphonse. He somehow got used to being seen in them but still felt uncomfortable when he was looking at him as if him being tortured in front of his eyes wouldn't change anything about his day:

"Did I tell him? I told him I loved him because I knew the truth would scare him."

Alphonse frowned. He couldn't have misunderstood that glimmer in Cadmael's eyes.

"Don't you love him?

-What I feel for him can't begin to be explained by the word love. The second I open my eyes I am struck by how much I miss him and want to see him. When I go to sleep he is the only thing I think about. I even meet him in my dreams every night. When he is talking, I listen to every word he says and because I don't want to forget anything, I write down everything he likes and dislikes. When he isn't talking, I am watching his every move because everything he does looks like a work of art. If I wouldn't scare him, I would paint his every move and write down his every word. I would never let go of his body and wouldn't let him breathe without me. Every time I am not around him I go crazy. I would never prevent him from doing anything but every time he is looking at someone else, I start thinking about multiple ways to put an end to their lives. I want to be the only one he talks to, I want to be the only one he thinks of. I want to be the one to dress him every morning and to feed him every day. I want to be his sword, his legs, his arms... How could you insult me and call this love? I told Eschyle I loved him because if he knew what I think about every time I get a glimpse of his skin, he would definitely run away. That's what I feel".

Alphonse promised himself never to ask again. And the second thing he did was to increase the number of guards around Eschyle. What would happen if he were to get hurt? Alphonse didn't want to know.