[BL] I shouldn't have married the crown prince

Chapter 41

We stopped in a dark room and after closing the door, Cadmael turned to me. His eyes were smoking and I stepped back by reflex.

"What is it?"

Cadmael seemed out of it and I wasn't sure that he could hear me.

"Cadmael? Are you okay?"

The emperor got closer and pulled on my sleeve.

"Can I?"

I didn't understand what he was talking about so I just nodded. I quickly regretted it because the next second Cadmael raised my sleeve and discovered the wounds. I couldn't look at them and tried to pull my hand away without managing to. I quickly thought about what to say but had no excuse ready at the moment. Cadmael on the other hand didn't take his eyes off the red skin. He didn't move or say anything and I had no idea what his reaction would be. Knowing Cadmael, I thought he would start crying but the tears never came. Instead I heard a voice so cold that it made me feel goosebumps:

"Who did this to you?"

I finally managed to pull back my arm before smiling:

"No one, I just fell."

Cadmael didn't listen to anything I was saying and was only looking at my eyes:

"Your father?"

I suddenly froze. How could he guess so easily? Was it that obvious that the Duke was a bad person? Did everyone know already? I felt really ashamed without knowing why. I didn't want Cadmael to know because he was just a little kid. (yeah, a kid...) He was already scared to stay alone at the Palace. How would he feel if he discovered what the nobles did to their children? Well, it wasn't as if he didn't know and that was even worse. I didn't want him to be reminded of painful things.

I tried to deny it but Cadmael suddenly extended his hand towards me and I flinched. It wasn't on purpose. I was just surprised but seeing Cadmael's face made me regret it instantly. I thought he was going to cry but it was even worse. He collapsed and started kneeling in front of me, his head fixated on the ground. I looked around panicked and tried to pull him up:

"What are you doing? Get up quick! What if someone sees?

-I would never hurt you, Eschyle. I want you to know that. If you don't trust me please make me sign an oath or tie my hands. Just, let me treat your wounds.

-It really isn't anything serious.

-Then why are you crying?"

I raised my hand to my cheek and felt something humid. Was I crying? I didn't even realize. Now that I opened the door a bit, it couldn't be stopped. I felt all the fear and despair of the last few days come up at the same time and started choking on tears. My legs couldn't hold me and I fell into Cadmael's arms, my back shaking. I buried my face into Cadmael's chest and hung on his shoulders as if I was drowning. I felt his hands close on my waist but this wasn't enough. I wanted to be completely glued to him. I needed to feel safe. I needed to feel his warmth.

Cadmael waited a bit for me to calm down before asking:

"What happened?"

I had a hard time talking, my breathing all over the place. Cadmael started patting my head and helped me get my breathing back on track.

"He wanted to train me. But I didn't want to. I really didn't want to...

-Train you?

-He heard about the rumor."

Every piece fell into place and Cadmael tensed. He strengthened his grip around my body and whispered:

"Everything will be fine. You are safe."

I couldn't see the strange glimmer of his eyes and therefore trusted him. I felt really safe and immediately fell asleep. All the stress of the last few days dissipated and I couldn't hang on any longer. When I woke up, I was wearing pajamas and lying on a king size bed in an unknown room.

When I turned to the side I saw a figure sitting on a chair and washing my arm. I winced and Cadmael noticed that I was awake. He was still wearing his outfit for the ball and was holding my arm with an excessive sweetness.

"Did I wake you? I'm sorry, sleep some more.

-What time is it?

-You slept only an hour.

-You are missing out on the ball because of me. You should go."

Cadmael didn't answer and continued treating my wound with the utmost care.

"Are you sure you should be doing that?"

He was the emperor after all. People weren't supposed to look him directly in the eyes. How could I let him treat my wounds?

"We could call for a maid. Or I could even do it myself.

-Stay in bed."

I felt a bit uncomfortable and thought about something to say. In the original book the coronation would also be the day when Diana died and thus when Cadmael would take revenge on Eschyle. But now Diana was alive and well. Did I save my life? But what of the plot? Cadmael and Diana were in love but so much more was supposed to happen before the coronation.

"Is Diana okay?"

Cadmael froze for a second.

"I didn't get to see her a lot. I promised her a dance and am ashamed that I couldn't stay true to my promise.

-You danced with me. It's all that counts.

-But I hope she won't feel wronged.

-I don't care."

I frowned. How could he not care? Cadmael felt my helplessness and finally looked up at me:

"I'll tell you again but I don't love Diana."

My frown deepened.

"What? But...

-I don't love her and I never did."

Was he shy? Did he not want me to know because he hadn't accepted it yet even after all this time?

"It's not what you think. I would never lie to you. I don't love her.

-But... The sword."

Cadmael looked at the sword at his side.

"You chose it."

What was he saying? Did he keep the sword because I chose it and not because it was from Diana? But what about all the other signs?

"Stop thinking about it. I don't love her. I only get along with her because you like her. To me there is no one more important than you."

Did I really fail? Was I still alive because Cadmael didn't love Diana? Then what would happen when he did fall in love with her? Would I die? No I wouldn't because I wouldn't kill her. I got along well with Diana, we were friends.

Cadmael gently rubbed my eyes:

"Don't think too much and go to sleep."

I didn't think I could but immediately fell asleep.