[BL] I shouldn't have married the crown prince

Chapter 42

When I woke up I saw Cadmael sleeping on a chair next to my bed. My arms were completely healed and they didn't hurt anymore. I moved them a bit and was amazed by Cadmael's healing powers. This was truly a talent.

I silently got out of bed and walked up to Cadmael. He didn't wake up and I slipped a pillow under his head. I looked at him sleeping for a bit before deciding to leave him space. I didn't even have the time to take one step when a hand slipped around my waist and stopped me. I jumped and felt Cadmael's head against my back:

"Cadmael?

-Does your arm still hurt?

-No, it's all better now thanks to you."

I suddenly recalled last night and blushed. Why was it that I was crying so much lately? But as I recalled that I recalled something else as well:

"Cadmael?

-Yes?

-You really don't love Diana?

-No.

-Why? She is really smart and nice.

-I don't.

-Then why did you break up our engagement?"

I felt Cadmael's hands twitch for a second.

"Did you want to marry her?

-No. But I thought...

-I never loved her and I never will.

-You can't know those things."

My feet suddenly left the ground and I screamed in surprise as I got put on Cadmael's knees facing him. I was really close to Cadmael's face and he looked me straight in the eyes, his hands holding my back:

"I will never love her."

It didn't seem like he was lying. But wasn't this even worse? What was going to happen now? Cadmael was fated for Diana and without them being together what would become of the plot? I didn't have time to think about it too much because Cadmael smiled and carried me to breakfast. I struggled a bit asking to be put down but Cadmael didn't listen and carried me to my seat.

Everyone saw us and I was really embarrassed. However, this soon disappeared when I saw the table. I never saw such a tantalizing meal in my entire life and could feel my saliva spill out of my mouth. I had a hard time controlling myself and didn't hear Cadmael laugh, having forgotten that he existed.

"You can eat everything you want."

It didn't take me two times to decide. I jumped on a blueberry pie and savored it in silence. While eating the door opened and Alphonse came in. I waved at him in a good mood and handed with a plate:

"Do you want some blueberry pie?"

For some reason Alphonse looked at Cadmael and shook his head:

"No thank you. You can have it."

I shrugged and resumed eating.

"Are you happy being a secretary, Alphonse?

-It isn't bad."

I tilted my head.

"Won't it affect your studies?

-I do not wish to continue them.

-I'm sorry. For some reason I thought you wanted to."

Alphonse shook his head.

"I wanted to become independant and I am very good at organization it seems."

I smiled:

"Plus you are great with the sword so you could protect Cadmael if needed."

Alphonse frowned for some reason. I knew Cadmael was strong but he didn't have to react that way. Everyone needed to be protected. I decided to change the subject:

"It should be great to work for a friend who is as nice as Cadmael."

Alphonse's frown deepened and I looked at Cadmael puzzled. He was still staring at me with a smile on his face, not saying anything.

"You should take good care of Alphonse, Cadmael."

He obediently nodded:

"Just tell me if you need anything, Alphonse. You can go on a vacation any time."

Alphonse seemed quite pale and excused himself before leaving the room. I continued eating but Cadmael soon broke the silence:

"Don't you have any questions for me?"

I frowned:

"About what?

-About all of this. I would answer anything you ask me."

I shook my head. One, I knew a lot already because of the book and two, I didn't want to pry. Cadmael finally felt strong enough to go against his father and take what was his. It should have been really hard and I was proud of him. He deserved it.

Cadmael tilted his head before wiping the crumbs on my cheek:

"I sometimes feel as if you already knew everything."

I almost choked and did my best to keep my cool. I couldn't read what was behind Cadmael's smile. He couldn't know could he? There was no way. I was getting really uncomfortable and decided that it was best to ask some questions than say nothing:

"Is your family nice?"

Cadmael retracted his hand with a weird smirk:

"I didn't get to talk to them a lot.

-I'm sure that if you get to know them, you'll grow to eventually like them. You are family after all.

-They abandoned me. They are no family."

Cadmael seemed dead serious.

"You are my only family."

This was bad. Why did I feel so happy hearing this? I looked away feeling my cheeks growing hotter. I shouldn't be happy. Cadmael couldn't rely solely on me. He had to be happy in the Palace even if I wasn't next to him.

"Are you really not in love with Diana?"

Cadmael patiently shook his head:

"I never was.

-I think you should try getting to know her a little more. She..."

I didn't have time to finish.

"I'll never love her. I know that and I'll never try. Please don't talk about her anymore.

-But you can't rely only on me. There are a lot of great people around you, trust me.

-Why can't I rely only on you?"

For some reason I felt a chill going down my spine.

"You are talking as if you are planning to leave me."

I couldn't answer and Cadmael got closer his eyes stone cold:

"I told you before: don't try to leave me. You promised."

I frowned. When did I promise such a thing?

"I can't live without you."

I was taken back. Was it this serious? Did I make a mistake while raising him? He was way too reliant on me and didn't learn to open up to other people. This was all my fault. It was extremely hard being a parent.