[BL] I shouldn't have married the crown prince

Chapter 57

I thought Cadmael would act differently now that he confessed but our daily life stayed just about the same. I promised him I wouldn't change the way I acted but it was really hard to remember how I used to act. Especially when Cadmael did as if nothing ever happened! He never talked about the confession once and I started questioning if it really happened. It was all too strange and I couldn't focus at all today. I heard nothing in class thinking about Cadmael and even when we were eating I was spacing out all the time. I didn't even realize Cadmael was feeding me and when I did I just let him do it. I promised him I would behave normally after all and for some reason he really liked assisting me.

I couldn't focus even when I was alone with him. I couldn't help but stare at Cadmael all day long even as he was working in his study next to me. Why was he so relaxed? I never saw his eyes like that. I couldn't have dreamed it. I wouldn't imagine such things. Was I this sleep deprived? It couldn't have been an after effect. Was I hallucinating? I started questioning even my being awake and existing.

Feeling my gaze, Cadmael scoffed which made me jump. When he turned to me I tried to act as if nothing happened but he didn't buy it:

"It's nice having you pay attention to me. I should have confessed sooner."

I wanted to scream. Aha! So you did confess. Why are you so... Normal then? Cadmael put down his paper work and bent towards me. I immediately blushed because of the close distance and didn't know where to look. Seeing me all flustered, Cadmael smiled:

"You are adorable, all shy."

I wanted to scream but nothing came out of my mouth. Cadmael's gaze slipped down on my lips and for some reason he licked his lips before looking straight into my eyes. That was way too much for me. Anyone would be flustered if the male lead did this! I had to run far away.

I immediately got up and started collecting my things:

"I h-have to g-go somewhere.

-Are you flustered? I'll end up thinking I have a chance.

-I-I'm not flustered!

-Then why are you stammering?

-A-am not!"

Who was I kidding? I was redder than a tomato. I didn't say more and ran away without looking back. I felt Cadmael's gaze on my back and even lower while I was leaving. Ah! I ran for a long time and only stopped once I was out of breath.

Following this event, Cadmael changed his ways and started reminding me all the time about his feelings. It felt as if he didn't want me to forget about him for a second. I was already thinking about you non stop! What more did you want from me?

When we were eating Cadmael never wanted me to touch a fork and wanted to feed me himself all the time. I let him do it from time to time but it was still embarrassing in front of others. At noon we were all in the private room Cadmael built to eat. I sat down and was ready to start by drinking a glass of water. I extended my arm towards the pitcher but didn't have time to even touch it. Cadmael grabbed the pitcher and served me a drink. As I was drinking he grabbed my fork and cut me a piece of meat before handing me the food as if it was totally normal. When I tried to take the fork back he didn't budge a millimeter, his eyes persistent.

"Cadmael."

I tried talking to him as I would to a child who was misbehaving but he was way too big to be a child.

"Cadmael... I can eat by myself.

-But I want to feed the one I love."

I immediately froze, losing all power over my body and saw everyone else's jaws fall off. How could he say this in front of everyone? And it wasn't a single example! He used the word love over and over again. So much that I would even dream about it between two nightmares.