[BL] I shouldn't have married the crown prince

Chapter 55

"Your friends are right. I only do this to the person I love. And I love you."

I blinked a few times not getting what he was trying to say.

"I love you, Eschyle."

I suddenly understood and didn't know how I could get even redder than this. I opened my mouth but nothing came out and I just stared at Cadmael. He on the other hand was really patient and waited for me to calm down.

Diana and Gilbert were right all along? How could I not see it? Did everyone else know? Was I really that dense? Wait no, that wasn't the problem right now! He was the protagonist and he was in love with the villain. What was happening to the plot? This couldn't be true. This was a joke.

"You... No.

-I told you I would never lie to you."

He seemed really serious and that was even worse. Why wasn't he lying right now? He had to be lying.

"But... Why?"

He laughed softly and started to rub his face against my hand. I didn't even feel it too lost to even know where I was.

"I told you. You are my savior.

-Wait..."

I almost fainted. Was this because I saved him at the beginning of high school? I knew I should have bullied him but I couldn't bring myself to it. Could I look in the mirror if I did that? No. I had no choice. If I had bullied him he would have killed me but if I didn't bully him he loved me? What was better? I saw a lot of people killed because of love. Eschyle for starters. Well it was more greed than love but that wasn't the topic. Was this all my fault? Did I destroy the whole plot the second I arrived? I thought I was doing a great job. How could everything go this way?

"But...Diana."

Camdael continued to rub his head with a satisfied smile:

"I don't love her. I love you.

-Why?"

He suddenly opened his eyes and stared right at me. His gaze was cold and intense and I had nowhere to run from it:

"Is there a reason why I should love her?"

I couldn't answer for a second. Every time he looked at me with those eyes I felt like I had nothing more to hide. As if he knew everything already and could see where I came from. Cadmael quickly got back to his usual expression and smiled:

"Your friends are right. I love you, Eschyle and that's why I behave differently around you. You are the only one I love."

He was saying it a lot for me to understand but now I started to be unseasy. This was too much information for me and I didn't know how to process it. Cadmael laughed and kissed my hand softly:

"You don't have to answer right now. I just wanted you to know."

Despite him saying that, he didn't stop there and slowly came closer to me. He placed himself between my legs and started pressing our chests together. That was when I woke up and realized our proximity. I immediately froze, my heart trying to jump out of my body.

"Can I kiss you?"

I cried almost by reflex:

"No!"

Cadmael continued smiling his face still pressed against my palm:

"That's too bad. Guess I'll have to wait for you to like me back.

-What? Wait. When?"

I couldn't even form normal sentences and wanted to punch myself for it. Get yourself together. But how could I calm down with the protagonist so close to my face? He was so different from usual and I really felt like a tiny prey surrounded and imprisoned. This felt really strange and I had no idea how to process any of it. Why were his eyes so dark? Did he really want to kiss me? I thought we were best friends. Was this what he wanted all along? I felt my head spinning and Cadmael laughed softly:

"Calm down. I won't do anything to you... Yet."

Yet?? Was I supposed to feel relieved? I wasn't! Not at all! His eyes were scary! Terrifying! He shouldn't look at anyone that way and most of all not at me! Looking at his eyes, I was terrified of what would be left of me if I let him do whatever he wanted.

"Can I sleep here tonight?

-No!"

Cadmael seemed very hurt but his face didn't look like a child's at all. Now that I knew I saw him in a completely different light. He looked like a snake and I knew I shouldn't give in.

"We used to sleep together before. Now that you know I like you, are you disgusted with me?"

I froze. What was I doing? Was I really hurting his feelings? Cadmael just confessed to me and I was acting all distant. It took a lot of courage to confess these things and I shouldn't blame him for it. CamdaCamdael wasn't only a character in a book. I never thought of him that way. He was a person. A feeling and breathing person.

"I'm scared you'll start to avoid me if I leave."

I signed before patting his hair like I used to:

"That won't happen, silly.

-But you are trying to flee.

-I'm sorry. I was just surprised for a second. I am truly touched by what you said and by the fact that you trust me enough to confide in me. It couldn't have been easy."

Cadmael slowly nodded his mouth turning downwards.

"I won't change the way I act around you, I promise.

-You won't run?

-I won't."

He smiled, his teeth more white than white. Stop it, I'll go blind. How could you be so happy over this?

"But..."

I knew Cadmael would be sad but I just had to say it:

"Are you sure you want to love me?"

He immediately frowned but I couldn't stop there:

"I'm not trying to minimize your feelings but the truth is they are just hormones in the brain and they can easily come or go away. I am again really honored but I know someone who would be a way better fit for you than me.

-How could you know this?

-I... Just feel it."

Cadmael shook his head:

"No one could be better than you.

-Trust me. I have a kind of talent for this. She would make you really happy."

Cadmael could finally have his happily ever after with Diana. It was what he always wanted. I read it. In the long run he would regret choosing me. Cadmael however only frowned:

"Stop thinking silly things. I have never been happier than with you.

-That's because you never tried. Let's be honest you never wanted to get closer to Diana despite...

-Despite all your tries?"

I froze. For some reason I felt as if I was being grounded for a secret I thought he didn't know. Why was I looking away? I did nothing wrong! This was the plot! Not only because this was the plot, this was what the original Cadmael wanted and I just wanted to help.

"Did you think I didn't know? You are not very discreet, Eschyle.

-I just wanted to help. She is a really nice person. She is smart and lively. You would be very happy with her, trust me.

-No.

-But...

-No."

Cadmael signed before getting up.

"I'll let you go to bed.

-Wait!"

But he immediately disappeared.