[BL] I shouldn't have married the crown prince

Chapter 12

Cadmael immediately stopped crying and looked at me with round eyes. I felt really uncomfortable suddenly and wanted to flee but Cadmael's arms kept me in place. He hugged me tightly and whispered in my ears:

"I am so proud of you. This is enough for today."

I couldn't see his smile and was starting to relax despite the shame. I couldn't look Cadmael in the eyes when he let me go.

"Do you want me to help?"

I looked at the horse. I didn't have a lot of time left before the festival and was really scared that Cadmael would start crying again.

"How?"

He got on the horse in a second and reached out an arm towards me.

"We could ride together. I will never let you fall, I promise."

I was shaking uncontrollably and couldn't take his hand. I pressed my hands on my heart and had problems breathing. Cadmael looked at me with infinite warmth:

"You are really brave, Eschyle. You can do this."

I looked at his hand then at his face and again. I really had a hard time but wanted to do it. I was really fed up with all my failed attempts. Cadmael was the male lead of the book therefore he would never fall from a horse. This was quite reassuring.

"You'll go slowly.

-I won't even move for now, we will just sit."

I took a deep breath before taking a step closer. I fixed the hand for a long time before accepting it. I expected Cadmael to do something but he didn't move. I lifted my head and saw his broad smile. I was almost blinded. Was this the male lead's power?

"I am so proud of you. You took the first step. Do you want to continue?"

I nodded and Cadmael warned me before pulling me on the horse. My heart skipped numerus beats as I got seated before Cadmael. I started panicking and clenched his hand really hard. Camdael englobed me with his arms and held me tight.

"Do you want to get down?"

I didn't know what I wanted. I felt too many things at the same time: panic, sadness, euphoria, joy, pride... I couldn't talk and just held Cadmael even tighter. Everything went fine and I started smiling. I even had the courage to turn to Cadmael. He seemed even happier than me and seeing his smile I started laughing. He froze for a second and it was at the same moment that the horse moved.

I completely forgot my happiness and hugged Cadmael with all my strenght. I was so scared that I would fall that I didn't let go of him for a second. I didn't know how but he got me down from the horse and continued holding me on the ground. All along he whispered:

"You are so brave."

I was really exhausted from this and we went directly to our rooms. Cadmael stopped training and waited for me every day in front of the box.

"Ready?"

I really wanted to be.

"Today we can go for a little walk if you want. Or we could just stay like yesterday.

-We are going for a walk!"

I was way too excited but I didn't want all my efforts to be in vain. I wanted to continue quickly. In my past life I rode almost every day and was good at it. I just needed a little help to get back on my feet, I felt it.

"Are you sure?"

I prepared the horse and guided him out of the box and in front of the meadow. Cadmael got on top like the day before and extended his hand. I hesitated a bit but forced myself to accept it. I got seated in front again and got englobed by firm hands. Cadmael took the reins without letting me go and the horse started walking slowly. I started panicking and closed my eyes, biting my lips not to tell Cadmael to stop. I was alright. Everything was fine. I did so much worse in my past life. This was going to be okay. But what if I fell? What if I get hurt again? The memories started flowing in my head and my breathing accelerated. I wanted to get down but Cadmael's arms held me firmly. I started crying:

"Let me down. Please let me down."

Just like he did when I saw blood, Cadmael covered my eyes and whispered soothing words in my ears. He told me to focus on his voice and helped me calm down. The horse wasn't moving anymore and once I felt better we just stayed like this, the horse still motionless. We looked at the meadow and breathed the cold air. Everything was so peaceful that I started to smile. Cadmael's arms were so strong that I knew I would never fall as long as he was behind me.

"Can we start moving again?"

I tensed up and Cadmael started caressing my arm. We trained a lot and some day I decided that it was time for me to get on the horse alone. Cadmael seemed worried but feeling him next to me gave me confidence. It wasn't easy but I did it and what I felt was absolute ecstasy. I felt so proud and happy that I wanted to scream.