The Highs and Lows of Being a Lioness

Part 12 - I don't know how I feel anymore

Later that night i took the time to do what Riley suggested and started to write down how the people in my life made me feel. I decided to tackle Leah last as i haven't known her that long so it's going to be a lot more difficult to write.

Keira, i don't even know where to begin with my Keira. She's one in a million, i can't imagine my life without her. She is the special type of person you count yourself lucky for even meeting, let alone being friends with them. She's more than that though, she's my family. Kei is a complete wind up but i love that part of her. At my worst times that held me up, she held me up without even realising it and asked for nothing in return. She is someone i know would be there for me through anything, she has proved that already. Yet at the same time life is never too serious with Keira, of course we have a bitch and a moan but she never lets me stew in my feelings for too long. 

I could go on about her for hours but ultimately the main takeaway from how i feel about her is that i simply would not, could not, do life without her. She is everything to me. 

Alessia, Less. I could simply melt at the thought of her. She is the most genuine, caring person i think i will ever meet. She gives so much of herself to other people, she invests so much in them because she thinks it's worth it. Sometimes i question how healthy that can be but she is always so happy and positive, and being on the receiving end of it when you need someone is so much more important to me than she will ever know. 

I just want to cover her with bubble wrap and protect her from the dark corners of the world because she truly does not deserve to ever witness them, or resonate with them. She may not be my biological sister but she is so much more important to me than blood could ever be. I love her with everything. 

Beth, Beffy. The amount of love i have for this girl is unreal. I only ever want to see her succeed and be recognised for the utter talent she is on the pitch and the beautiful human she is off it. She deserves everything the world has to offer. She's the rainbow after the worst storm of your life. There are truly not enough words to encapsulate the woman. At my complete worst she has the ability to put a smile on my face without even trying. She's effortlessly funny and like Keira, a complete wind up. 

I know i could go to her for anything without her judging me or thinking it is a weird thing to discuss with a friend. The comfort that her presence brings me is unexplainable. I would defend her with my life, and if it came to it i would kill someone for her. I would do anything for that girl. 

Writing these made me far more emotional than i originally thought i would be. It took me a lot of time to think of what would do my dear friends justice and to be honest i'm not convinced anything i say will ever be enough. I thought that writing about Leah would be the hardest one of them all until my phone pinged and made it ever so simple. 

*Ame's phone

Leah x - Hey Ame i hope your therapy session went well :). Just wanted to message to check in and make sure that you're okay. 

Ame - Hi Leahhhhhhhh the bitch gave me homework 🙄

Leah x - Don't call Riley a bitch you bitch. Why are you messaging me if you have homework, don't tell me you were the disruptive kid in school

Ame - me? Disruptive? Never.

Leah x - omg you totally were. God we would not of gotten along at school

Ame - you would've loved me and you know it

Leah x - not a  chance i hated those people

Ame - please don't tell me you were the teachers pet

Leah x - WHAT NO OF COURSE NOT

i couldn't help but chuckle at her getting defensive. I could practically hear how offended she was through the phone.

Ame -  you defo were. What the fuck have i gotten myself into, I've become friends with the enemy, brb about to go rethink this entire friendship.

Leah x - ahahaha wow i see how it is. Fine you rethink our friendship while i go ask Less to send me a picture of you at school

Ame - BITCH YOU DARE

Leah x - too late

Ame - girl you better be joking this is so embarrassing

Leah x - you are so easy to wind up now get off your phone and go do your homework lol

Ame - oof i really struck a nerve if you are trying to get rid of me this quickly 

Leah x - how are you going to make it up to me? ;)

Ame - What makes you think i want to make it up to you huh?

Leah x - Because otherwise the england gc would get to see little baby Ame

Ame - you wouldn't do that

Leah x - try me 

Ame - no i don't think i will, i'm a vegetarian 

Leah x - since when?!

Ame - since you suggested i "try you"

Leah x - you rude mf. 

Ame - sorry. Forgive me? 🫶

Leah x - only if you beg for it

Ame - sorry homework calls that will have to wait lol

I'm not going to lie was not my finest moment. I don't know if she was kidding or genuinely flirting, if that is even flirting at all. Was she flirting with me? Do i want her to flirt with me? Shit.

Leah, Le. I haven't had the courage to use that nickname yet, but i desperately want to. I was thinking it would be hard to write about how i felt about Leah, i mean the feelings she brings out confused me until now, until right now. She is different to my other important girls and i finally think i know why. The weight from before has lifted off my chest and left a new, much heavier weight on my heart and head instead. 

Leah is the perfect person. She is the right amount of everything, never too serious or unserious, cares but doesn't overcompensate, is funny but in the unintentional type of way. Her laugh is very quickly becoming my favourite sound in the world, im completely obsessed with her. The looks are a bonus, there is no denying she's hot but that isn't what makes her perfect. She's perfect because she doesn't realise it. She isn't cocky or over confident in herself, in fact more often than not she's insecure with herself which is just utterly ridiculous to me but it makes her even more perfect.

All it takes is one conversation with Leah to see that her people mean everything to her and she would stop at nothing for them. She'd defend them with her life, and i'm realising now that i would defend her with mine. She's the sun. Even when you think she's not there, not present, she's hiding behind the clouds providing the light that allows you to see how beautiful life can be.  She allows you to live. Life without light would be pointless, life without her would be pointless. 

I may have only been friends with her for a few weeks but i hope that i never have to experience the world without the sun, without my sun because it would be meaningless. 

I couldn't help but smile when she came to mind, she never really left it. Whilst my revelation has answered the questions i had for Riley in the session, it has left me with so many more that only Leah can answer. To be honest I'm shit scared because i never want to do anything to lose her, but i'm not sure i can go about my life and not tell her how i feel.

Leah's POV

I just finished messaging with Riley and i can't wipe away the smile from my face, even if my life depended on it. She makes me feel so much by doing so little. A simple text was enough to make my day. She's special to me and i'm not quite sure why yet, but i know that when i figure it out nothing can stop me screaming it from the rooftops. 

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A/N what do you guys think about this part? Let me know in the comments :)