The Highs and Lows of Being a Lioness

Part 2 - the game

I was speechless walking out onto that pitch. I couldn't believe how far the women's game had come. It was a mid season wsl match and it sold out the bloody emirates, THE EMIRATES! It was such a surreal experience one that i was so thankful to be a part of, what a welcome back this was. 

The whistle was blown and we all took a knee before the game was to officially kick off. As i dropped down onto my left knee i took it all in. Every single face, every cheer, every scream, the noise was indescribable and i couldn't help but smile at this. 

Soon though I focused back onto the game at hand. Arsenal were a great team and it was going to be a tough game, one i wasn't completely sure we stood a chance at winning. I put this thought to the back of my head and got to work. I am a winger, always have been, it was like i was born into this position. It was a mixture of everything and i never get bored of it. 

firstly, you can attack. I often play left wing and will cut in on my right foot and curl it to the far post, it's kinda my signature move to be honest. You also get to defend. Running back and unexpectedly taking the ball from someone else's feet is something i love. The opposition never expect you to run all the way back chasing them and nicking the ball from them, so witnessing the frustration on their faces when i do knick it from their feet always makes me laugh. You get to assist, and i have to say this is something i think is extremely underrated in football. Being the reason that someone else get's a chance to change the game, to win the game, is exhilarating. Anyway enough waffling, the point is i love it. 

It was a tight game in the first half, neither team really being able to break down the others defence, and to be honest it wasn't at all a smooth game of football, we were all running around like headless chickens. Half time was nearing and tactically we were just trying to make it there without conceding, to give us a chance to regroup and get new tactics from Marc. However, a quick tackle from Ona meant we had the ball and had the opportunity to start to counter them. They were out of position, not expecting kim little to be dispossessed, which to be honest is a really valid excuse. 

She looked up and i knew it was time for me to start running, and running fast. Not to brag but i am low-key fast as fuck. Ona switched the play over to me, the ball landing perfectly in front of me. I took it down with one touch and streamlined for the goal. In front of me was only one player. One girl. This should be easy I'm great at beating people one on one, but this girl was Leah Williamson. To add to that, before the game i was convinced she actually wanted to kill me, i mean you definitely do not look at someone the way she looked at me if you were happy to co-exist on the same planet as them. 

I kept running though, this was our chance to go up. I drove towards her with the ball and beat her. I literally beat her wtf. By this point i was just nearing the edge of the box, leaving her in the wind, or so i thought. Next thing you know my face is smack down on the floor. I was so confused, did i trip? 

I look up and Leah is standing over me almost laughing at the pain that i was starting to feel, so obviously shown on my face. I was pissed, but i was in too much pain to get up and right hook this bitch so i chose the next best thing. Cuss her out. 

I sat there looking up at her, my eyes almost watering from the pain "what the actual fuck Leah, Jesus christ are you insane" i screamed at her. She tried to reply but i continued "what kind of a fucking idiot do you have to be, are you trying to injure me you absolute dick"

At this point she just looked amused. She'd gotten a rise out of me and knew i couldn't do anything to her because i was too busy in a heap on the floor. She bent down towards me towering over, she had all the power and simply said "that looked like it hurt" she laughed and walked away. 

You could see i was fuming, i swear to god she better watch her back. I don't know what her problem is and i don't really care but you don't get to take me out and get away with it. The anger numbed the pain in my ankle and i got up and stormed over to the ref. She looked at me with the most innocent smile on her face. Genuinely, i was about to lose my shit. 

"what the fuck ref are you going to book her or not. She didn't even go for the ball, it was a last ditch challenge studs up, thats clearly a red card"

she stepped back and blew her whistle indicating for a drop ball. A DROP BALL. This ref had been against us from the start and it was obvious to everyone now. It is the basic rules of football. If you tackle someone and don't get the ball it's a free kick. If it was deemed deliberate or late or a studs up tackle you get a booking. If it's a tackle LIKE THAT, last ditch studs up and late, it is almost always a red but at least a yellow. But no Leah walked away card free and her team had back possession of the ball, and me? I got booked for swearing at the ref. 

Not long after it reached half time and we were all visibly annoyed. The second half went just how you'd expect, every decision went against us and arsenal took home 3 points. This was not the start back to football i wanted. 

The next day i was struggling physically and mentally. I hate to admit it but i'm a people pleaser. As much as i would like to say i don't know why i am, i do. Fucking Mark and Carol. I spent the large part of my childhood just trying to please them, to earn their love, something an 8 year old shouldn't have to do. This is why leah was getting to me. I didn't know why she hated me, and it reminded me of my biological parents. It stung. I was so wrapped up in the why of it all. Why did my parents hate me? Why did leah hate me? Am i that unlikable?

Physically, i was drained. I hadn't played football for 6 weeks before this. I wasn't even allowed to train, so jumping into a 90 minute intense game of football on my first day back really took it out of me. I stayed in bed all day, something i wasn't allowed to do and if my therapist found out, she'd take me straight back out of the squad. 

I had only just started opening up to her so there was still so much she didn't know, things i wasn't sure if i would ever be ready to say out loud to anyone and that included her. I have depression. It's not something i like to admit i think it makes me pathetic, like why can't i just get out of bed and get dressed like a normal person?

 It was now 1pm and i had no intention of moving from the comfort of my own bed, when i got a phone call. It was Hege Riise the England interim manager. God i hated that woman. Already annoyed before i even picked up the call, i answered. For once, she had some good news. 

"Hi Amelia, i want you to attend the England camp that is in a few weeks at St George's Park. I heard you're back and Chloe Kelly is out with an acl so you're my backup i guess"

"thank you i think. See you then." and with that i hung up. I know it's something to be excited about but to be honest that woman drives me insane, she's everything wrong with a manager. She doesn't instil belief in her players but instead chooses to motivate them with "the chance to prove her wrong". It is so backhanded and makes me feel like shit, but i am not the only one she's like this with, its just her and that is the problem. It's her first time leading a lioness camp as interim manager since Phil stepped down and i already knew it would be a shit show. 

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AN - i love and hate this part. It is setting the scene for a lot that i have planned so i'm excited but also i adore Leah and writing her as low-key evil was not particularly enjoyable. 

Also there should be a lot of parts in the next few days cos your gal has 3 days off work and is on a gap year sooooo my besties are at uni and i have no social life :/ 

Anyways enjoy!