The Highs and Lows of Being a Lioness

Part 9 - Not again (continued)

Ame's POV:

I take another deep breath and finally meet her eyes. Just looking at them makes me feel so much better. They are so fucking perfect that i almost get lost in them. She continues to wipe away the occasional tear that rolls down my face. I lean into her hand with my head slightly to be as close to her as possible. I grab onto her back tighter and feel so at peace all of a sudden.

The way she is acting with me makes me feel ready to finally speak today. Less came earlier and tried to help but today was a bad one. Everything that she tried which usually works did nothing to break me out of this, but Leah just holding me seems to have done it.

"I am so sorry Leah"

"Hey there is nothing to be sorry for. Everything is okay". I honestly feel so bad for ignoring her. Even though it wasn't personal i thought that maybe she would think it was because of everything going on with us. She is being so understanding even though she must be so confused. 

I continue to keep the eye contact and start to get lost again in those perfect blue eyes. She snaps me out of it. 

"I don't want to push you into telling me so tell me to fuck off if you want to but i have to ask. Do you want to talk about it?"

I usually would do anything to avoid telling someone about this. The only people that know are Keira and Less, and even then i only told them because they witnessed one of my episodes so i had to explain. If i hadn't known them for so long then i still wouldn't have dared to tell them but even though i have been friends with Leah or whatever we are for like two days, i already feel like i can tell her. I want to try to at least. 

My lack of response starts to stress her out a bit, its written all over her face so i start to stroke her back to give her some reassurance that it is okay. 

"i really want to but i just don't know if i can". I am so frustrated with myself because there is this pretty girl holding me who has been so sweet to me today and i still can't tell her. I think she starts to realise how frustrated i am so begins to stroke my back again and hold me closer to her. I instantly feel so calm and at peace again. How the fuck does she do that?

"It's okay if you don't feel like you can tell me right now you can another time. I am going to be here regardless." She gives me the softest smile i have ever seen. This response is enough for me to feel ready to try. 

"I think i can. I want to try at least. Can you do one thing for me though?"

"anything" she whispers in my ear. She is holding me so close i can feel her breath on my ear. I can definitely tell her after that.

"Just don't let go of me while i tell you. No matter what. And if i cry just pretend that i am not. I can't talk about this without crying." 

"Done and done."

She is being such a green flag could this girl be more perfect. 

"Umm so i uhhh" I let out a frustrated groan. 

"It's okay i got you, you're safe"

That sentence alone gives me the ability to continue

"I have depression". I clear my throat, i already feel the tears coming. 

She doesn't say anything and at first i get worried that she thinks i am pathetic but then i realise that she is giving me the space to continue talking when i am ready. She is so good at this. 

"I don't really know when it-" i have to take a deep breath, i'm completely breaking down and i am like two sentences in. She just continues to stroke my back with the tips of her fingers. Her touch has such a calming affect on me.