UNLOCKED - LANDO NORRIS [Book 3]

29

"How do you feel about today?" Charles asks as he helps pack up my things into the duffle bags. 

"I wish I didn't need to leave" I moan. I'd been dreading this day since peanut was born. 

"I know, but it'll be good to be able to get out of the hospital yeah?" he suggests. 

I shrug, "I guess so, I'm just going to miss being able to sit with him everyday" I turn my head toward Lando, who's progress hasn't changed at all. 

"You need to focus on you and peanut for now" he reassures. 

Glancing down at peanut as he squirms in my arms, almost due for his next feed. "I'm scared. Charles" 

Charles pauses mid packing, and settles down on the bed in front of me, stroking his hand across peanut's head. "I know, Ev. It's going to be okay" 

I sniffle back a tear before readjusting peanut in my arms. 

"How long are you going to let peanut go without a name?" he chuckles as I unclip my shirt and position my breast near peanut's mouth. 

"What do you mean, he has a name? Peanut" I shrug in amusement. 

Charles rolls his eyes at me with a chuckle. 

On the car trip back to Lando's apartment, I stare aimlessly outside the window, watching the clouds float generously in the sky and can't help but reflect on my life up until this point, and how much shit deals I've been given.

"I feel bad for leaving you alone?" Charles mutters as I walk him to the door of the apartment after he helps settle peanut and I in. 

"Thank you for all your help Charles, I can't tell you how much I appreciate it" I muse, resting my head on the doorframe. 

"Call me whenever, okay. I don't care, day or night. I'm always here" he reassures. 

"I know" I whisper. 

"I'll come around tomorrow afternoon okay?" 

I nod my head as he exits the apartment. Closing the door behind him, I'm met with unforgivable silence. 

Overwhelmed, I let the past few days consume me completely. Sob's break from the deepest parts of me and once they start they seem like they are impossible to pull back. As my back slams against the door, I clutch my chest as it aches in absolute agony and give in to my legs betraying me and crashing me to the floor. 

I can't do this. 

Attempting to hold back my sobs outweighs me as they break free from my lips, an inaudible sob that only welcomes the silence around me. 

I can't do this. 

Pulling my knees up tightly to my chest, I squeeze them as close to me as I can to gain any form of comfort, but I can't. 

The pain is unbearable. 

The unknown is torture. 

I want him back. 

I need him back.

I cannot lose him. 

I won't survive. 

I can't survive

I have to survive. 

The responsibility of remaining strong for peanut is causing the pain to spread through me like razor blades. 

The tiny sobs from peanut that break through my whimper give me only just enough strength to get my knees as I attempt to crawl toward the bedroom. 

Pulling myself up onto Lando's bed, where peanut's crib is pressed up strong against the mattress, I pick him up and cradle him tightly to my chest. 

My struggled hush coming out staggered through breaths. "I've got you, I got you baby" I whisper, placing tear filled kisses on the side of his head. 

As he drifts back off to sleep, I lay him down beside me on the bed and snuggle up to him, pressing him into my side, bringing my face as close to his as I can. 

"I've got you baby" I mumble as I drift off to sleep by my baby's side. 

***********************

Pulling up to the hospital carpark for another day, I put the car into park and unclip Peanut from his car seat. 

It's been a month since he was born and we've spent every single day since in the ICU with Lando. Peanut spends his time laying beside Lando, entangled with the cords that attached themselves to Lando providing him life when he's not feeding on me. 

"Say hi daddy" I announce as we approach his bed, placing peanut down beside Lando where his hands aimlessly bump into Lando. 

"You wouldn't believe how fussy he was last night babe" I speak unheard to Lando, just as I do every day. "I think he's growing because he now wants to feed every 2 hours instead of the four. I think we'll have to put him on solids in the next few weeks" I chuckle. 

"He's growing up so fast, but he's looking like you more and more every single day. Unfair almost, I had to carry him and do all the work pushing him out and he comes out looking exactly like his father" I giggle miserably.

"Good morning, Evelyn" Dr Hilton announces as he walks in. The main doctor on Lando's case. 

"Hey Doc" I chirp. 

"How are you?" he asks as he shifts through Lando's paperwork on his clipboard. 

"I'm okay" I acknowledge. 

"Gosh, he's getting big" he gestures toward peanut, "How's everything going?" 

"Yeah really good, he's definitely getting bigger, I can't keep up. Any improvements?" I ask hopeful. 

The immediate hesitation deflates me. "There have been no improvements since he's arrival Evelyn. You know that" he informs me, trying to keep me in touch with reality. 

"But there is still a possibility?" I enforce. 

Dr Hilton's lips tighten as he pulls them inward, he exhales a deep breath "I've had discussions with Lando's family about some of the alternate possibilities" he admits regretfully. 

I shake my head, "I don't care. I know Lando. He's going to fight this" 

"I don't doubt that he's not putting up his toughest fight in there, Ev. But sometimes.." 

"Don't" I hiss, "Don't even finish that statement Doctor" 

"Evelyn, I need you to be aware of the situation here, medically, Lando's brain activity has been non-responsive for a month. There comes a point where we have to consider the best..."

"The best for him, is to return to his family. To his son. To me" I defy. 

Doctor Hilton nods his head slightly, "Maybe we should have this discussion later" 

"I don't care when you have this conversation with me Doc, the response is going to be the same" 

"The decision comes down to his parents at the end of the day, Evelyn."