TWs: forced self vomiting, self hate, body shame, bulimia mentions, and eating disorders
Mouth full of unspoken regrets as it pours out his insecurities. Hands gripped to the edges as his heart burns with fire, his throat heating up with the bile that pushes its way through. Panting hard, releasing all the mounds of food previously in his stomach. Head light with a dizziness, stomach empty of the food forced its way in by pressure. Wiping his mouth with an aching feeling, arms shaking from the bodily trauma, lips quivering from the action. He stood, a hand on the wall for stability, tumbling himself over to the sink as he rinsed his mouth out.
He looked into the mirror, looking at his emerald green eyes as he breathed through his mouth. His stomach quivered with discomfort, ignoring it, he flushed the toilet, seeing the food eaten just five minutes ago disappear through the drains. Dream backed up, stumbling a bit as he leaned against the bathroom wall, the tiles being cold underneath his finger tips. He closed his eyes, just breathing for a few minutes as he tried to regain his balance. Sixteen years.
He wiped his eyes, running a hand through his wavy locks of hair. Sixteen years of his body's abuse, his bulimia coursing through his stomach and organs as he took a singular bite of food. The urge to throw it up that very second in fear of its gain was too powerful to keep down, it becoming a regular part of his day. Feet shuffling out the bathroom, closing the door behind him as he slowly started to feel better. Noise to his left made his attention turn, the door to his bedroom opening up, the blond seeing his brunet boyfriend walking towards him.
"are you okay Dream? I heard a loud noise" George asked, Dream looking between his dark mahogany colored eyes.
"Noise? I didn't hear anything" Dream shook his head, bound to lying since day one. His stomach empty of its contents, apologetic feelings coursing through Dreams veins. He knew George would be devastated to hear about Dreams condition, but what other choice did he have?
George looked suspicious, "I swear I heard.. never mind.. remember, we've got dinner with Bad, Skeppy, and Hannah, so don't forget!" George giggled, they both knew how good Dream was at forgetting arrangements and appointments.
Dream nodded his head, "I had a big lunch so I don't think I'll eat much okay?" He leaned forward, pressing a kiss to George's forehead, "I'm gonna go edit alright? I love you Georgie" Dream smiled softly, George looking up at him worriedly. Dream knew how George was, he practically always force fed Dream food. Dream had never told George about his reasons for eating small portions of food, never touching more than half his plate. The brunet probably assumed Dream was just a light eater, which was okay, but sometimes it seemed more like anorexia than a small appetite.
He didn't give George a moment to object before leaving the room, not wanting to hear the worried tone of his boyfriend. The 'big lunch' Dream was talking about was already out of his stomach, leaving him in a hungry state. However, as he sat down at his office chair, hearing his stomach grumble with appetite, he only felt more disgusted by himself. Turning on his computer, he booted up his editing software, digging himself further into his work to avoid acknowledging his stomachs demands.
When he was a kid it was only a few forced hurls here or there, maybe some loss of appetite too. Growing into his teenage years however, he became obsessed with being lower than 120 pounds, the day he found out he was 125 pounds he didn't eat for a week. When he was a child, it was much easier to feel good about himself, but being a well known content creator with the constant daily reminder by his haters that he was a fat ass made him push himself to the lengths of self harm to get rid of as much body weight as he could. He was skinny, had some muscle build too, but he was afraid when he stopped, he'd start gaining weight, and that was his worst nightmare.
